Cupid: Draw Back Your Crooked Bow!

By Sandy Daley

Charles M. Schulz wrote, “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then does not hurt.” And as Valentine’s Day approaches and the ads on television, radio and in the newspapers bombard our every waking moment, I am left somewhat despondent by the state of my lack lustre love life. Sure, there are many “potential” suitors on my immediate radar, but none with the label of being “my man” or “the one”, as being in love takes not only courage and a lot of maintenance, but most importantly, commitment.

Unfortunately, many of us today continue to accept the minimal amount of love, sometimes even abuse or mistreatment, given to us by others. No longer are we ready, able and wiling to “fall head over heels in love with” others, as we build walls around ourselves and our hearts, trying desperately to remain in control of our love lives. Our dreams of being swept off our feet, by our own Prince Charming, straddling a horse, with pearly white teeth, good genes and with good credit, have now vanished. We have seemingly decided to settle for anything that comes our way. Have we all turned into robots when it comes to relationships? Should the words “You are my knight in shining armour,” be erased from our schoolgirl like fantasies?

Don’t get me wrong, as I am not upset because I am single, as I am only disheartened because I am an affectionate woman, with no one to shower my love unto. Nothing pleases me more than making others happy – especially my children, family members and my chosen partner. Which brings me to also point out that many women, happily celebrating this day, supposedly in love, are living a life of lies, discontentment and disappointment. Yet they continue to play out the facade as if they are happy, running to the stores to get gifts for their loved ones.

One particular friend of mine confided to me that she knows that her husband is cheating, and has no intention of divorcing him. “I always tell Donovan (obviously not his real name), to use protection if and when he decides to be unfaithful to me,” she says.  I am always shocked and horrified of her nonchalant attitude towards her husband’s infidelities, but of course, remain completely silent upon hearing this.

As we all know, “man and woman business” is never something to get involved in, as if they do reconcile or work things out, you, the supportive girlfriend, will be made to look like a troublemaker. So therefore, I only listen and nod my head at times, leaving the entire decision making process up to her. But, is this really all that she has to say to him? How about telling him that she will not accept his cheating ways, and if he continues to do so, she will file for a divorce? Or is this just wishful thinking on my part?

My friend, misguided and confused as she may be, will not be the only woman rushing into the stores for chocolates, cooking that special dinner, or purchasing that sexy lingerie, with full knowledge that they are not being loved the way how they should be. You will see them in the stores, hitting you over the head for the last box of chocolates, fighting for that red lingerie at Victoria Secret, or choosing the perfect wine, forever living a lie.

Believe me, this is not the jealous ranting of a woman with no man, as I desire nothing but the best for all my friends, but will remain steadfast in my belief of real honest love, which also encompasses the utmost of commitment on both parts. I would rather be alone on Valentine’s Day, pride intact, than to be with a man that is not treating me properly. “I just don’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day,” another friend of mine recently admitted. “It just seems unnatural,” she also added. Although I do understand her point of view, because most women are natural care-givers and love to take care of others, what is so wrong with being alone on this day? I do not think that I have failed as a woman because I have no special Valentine (again), this year.

So, as this Valentine’s Day approaches and you are running around the stores, frantically searching for that barely there lingerie, get up, fully aware that you are perhaps living a lie; I encourage you to become aware of your actions. A true heartfelt conversation between you and your partner, husband or lover, is a necessity at this time, as both partners deserve proper treatment within a relationship. If not, you are both just playing games, being used as pawns on Valentine’s Day, in order to boost sales for companies, willing and eager to take your money or credit card number, for that special Valentine’s Day purchase.

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.