Captain Of The Ship, Master Of Nothing!

By Sandy Daley

They say that a smart woman rules the home but makes her man believe that he is the King of his castle. A woman’s job, people say, is to be smart enough to know when to take a backseat, while all the while being the driver of the car. She must allow her partner to make his mistakes, and when he is ready and willing, he will do as she desires. Her role, they say, is to make her man feel wanted, loved, admired and respected, all without emasculating him in the process. “How utterly exhausting!”

Does society encourage women to “baby” a man as if he is a ten year old child, while at the same time carry the heavy burden of running the household and caring for the children? Are we to blame for men who behave their shoe size and not their actual age?

Women are expected to care for the kids, maintain a clean home, bring home the bacon, and at the same time look like Halle Berry and Beyonce combined. The last time I checked, Wonder Woman was the last Superwoman, and she was a fictional character, created by American psychologist and writer, William Moulton Marston. The funny thing though is that many women, including myself, try to live up to these unreasonable expectations. I cannot tell you the amount of times that I have jumped out of bed at 6am to prepare an ex’s ham sandwich for lunch, or pack him a lunch container from the previous night’s dinner: and I also worked full-time, and had the responsibility of dropping the kids at school each day.

I am positive I am not the only woman who has done this type of crazy, I am Superwoman, hear me roar, utter madness. It certainly is not an issue to help your partner out in any situation, the only thing that bothers me is that we believe that our job is to “do it all”, and it is clear that we cannot. My nickname for my ex and a lot of my male friends was, and still is, “Captain of the Ship, master of nothing.” I remember him very vividly saying to me on many occasions, “Sandy, yu no think yu should tell the kids not to put their drinks on the center table without a coaster?”

Of course I thought that was the right thing to say, but I would then ask him why he did not do it, seeing that he was right there and saw the irresponsible behaviour by the children? Was I the only parent in the house? He was truly not a bad parent and we are still friends to this day, as raising children demands a partnership between the two parents, whether or not you live under the same roof. I have learnt to let things go, for the betterment of the children!

According to the statistics, women do 70 to 80 percent of the domestic chores at home when they are married; for a man those stats remain the same as when he was single.  When couples have children, her housework increases three times as much as his.  Am I the only one who sees the injustice and unfairness in this? Why do women have to in turn play the fool to keep their man happy and his ego intact, while burning both ends of the candle? Men need to realize, especially some of my Caribbean brothas, that it is time for them to “man up” by being more responsible in their family’s well-being, not only financially, but also emotionally and physically as well.

Children, especially boys, need to see this in order to follow good patterns in the future, as being a good father figure goes a long way in a child’s life. Women also should not “let these men off the hook”, and should insist, either by their own persuasion, or a court ordered document that men act responsibly towards the children, whether they are a couple or not. You created a family together, so therefore you fix the issues together! Maybe this is why I am still unmarried and very happy being a single woman. At the end of the day, I know that I cannot “baby” a man, as I already have children of my own!

However, who knows, my knight in shining armour might still arrive at my doorsteps, on a beautiful white horse, flashing a set of pearly white teeth, 6 feet 3 inches tall in height, with amazing bow legs, and with good credit. There I go again, living on a schoolgirl’s dream, with a Diane von Furstenberg mentality!

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.