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You Come First At All Times!

You Come First At All Times!

By Sandy Daley

Audre Lorde wrote, “I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We’ve been taught that silence would save us, but it won’t.” Boy, do these words ever hit home for me, as many times strong independent women are made to feel less than because they “dare to open their mouths and speak up”. As we fight to secure our place in history, we must admit that many of us do not “sort ourselves out first”, but instead place others in front of us at every stage of our lives.

I have always believed than in order to help others, your children, spouse, family members or even friends, one must do as the airlines suggests, which is to put yourself first and, “buckle up your seatbelt first,” before you try to help anyone else on a flight or in case of an emergency. Unfortunately, most of us do not follow this very important advice. It is a rare thing to see a woman who puts herself before others without her feeling guilty, or society calling her selfish or an unfit mother. Have you ever seen that woman, perhaps a business woman, running around, having that child on her hip in her office, while she is on the phone doing fifty million things at once?

She kills herself trying to please everyone, and at the end of the day, is made to feel like a bad mother and wife because she wants—God forbid—a “career”. The funny thing is, that husband of hers has no regrets about cheating on her with his secretary or going off with his buddies golfing or to soccer practice. Their swings are off, their soccer outfits don’t fit anymore, and there is no hope in hell that they will ever play competitively again; but still yet they go. Her “career” takes a backseat to everything else around her, and she never accomplishes all that she could have.

In regards to the children, I have learnt, and this is from my own personal experience, that children grow up. They will leave you when they are good and ready, not when you are ready for them to go. They too, want their own lives. You might get a call from the kids one day a week when they are adults; if you are lucky. Take the time to register for that course that you have always wanted to, go for that promotion that you believe that you deserve or enrol in that yoga or exercise class that has always intrigued you.

Also, spend time by yourself and with your girlfriends. Live a little! This not only allows you the freedom to have your own identity, but it also cushions the blows that come later on in life when the kids leave the nest or your husband finds himself going through a midlife crisis. Who knows? He certainly might be dreaming of being intimate with that much younger woman, with bigger, perkier boobs than yours, who of course also a rear that you are able to place your drink on: with ease. The “chair butt girl”, is what I call her! Remember when you had one of those?

So what if they consider you selfish because you went on that Mediterranean cruise with your “girls” and left the family behind. So what if you are now enrolled in the new striptease class down the street, and getting your freak on with the girls. Whose life is it really, yours or someone else’s? When God created you, you were born alone (even twins have to come out one at a time) Remember that at the end of the day, this is your life, and you at least should be able to make decisions and choices that suit you at some point. Act like an individual and get your own life!

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.

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