By Sandy Daley
Bill Cosby famously wrote, “Men and women belong to different species and communication between them is still in its infancy.” More poignant words have never been spoken, as we still struggle to understand each other on a daily basis.
Men and women are constantly bickering at each other, unsure of which way to turn to achieve harmony within their relationships. Are all relationships doomed from the very beginning? Will men continue to retreat into their little shells, unsure of how to react to a woman? Will women continuously nag their partners in order to get what they want?
The one thing that many women do not like to hear, but which must be discussed, is the issue of excessive talking and explaining: or nagging as we like to call it. There is an obvious difference between men and women, as women like to discuss a topic to death, even if they know that it has been resolved.
I myself must admit that I also suffer from this deadly disease that seemingly has no cure. I will beat an argument to death, saying the same things over and over again to a guy. Listening to myself sometimes, is similar to listening to a parrot as he repeats, “Polly wants a cracker?”, while he is being trained to speak. The fact is that I do know that most men would like for you to tell them what to do once, and it will get done: however most times my mouth seems to have a mind of its own.
There is no need, in a guy’s minds, to go on and on about the same point. While doing so, they tune us out, trying to figure out how to talk to you without hearing all the other unnecessary crap that goes along with the conversation. Then they clamp up, zoning out completely. So then what happens? All communication shuts down between both parties, and now no one is talking; and thus the demise of this relationship begins.
You stop loving and supporting each other, as partners should do in a relationship. The first thing that you need to do is to listen and do not try to make him into something that he is not. We always seem to think that we are saviors of our guys, and it is our job to make them into something. Wrong!
The only people that you are responsible for are your children, as they are the only ones that you may shape and mold as you see fit. And that is even limited, because as time goes on, your children will also desire to leave your nest and find a way for themselves. So leave your man alone and stop the nagging. If you are with him in a relationship and you have decided to stick it out with him, love and support him as both he and you deserve. He is your man, not your child or property!
If he has not “put a ring on it” yet, then you decide your fate. Do you stay or do you go? And last but not least, do not listen to your girlfriends’ advice, because as you and I both know, their lives behind closed doors is never really what it is cracked up to be. They might be encouraging you to “Leave him, girl, as he ain’t doing nothing for you,” and they are still living with a man who is outwardly cheating on them or not taking care of them. The only opinion that should be of a major concern to you is your own opinion of yourself. Girlfriends should only be good to rest your head on when you are crying, or to vent to when you need to vent: not to determine the outcome of your life.
So, at the end of the day, any decision that you make should be yours and yours alone, as only you know if your relationship is worth saving. The constant nagging of one’s partner should also stop as, “one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch”. That poor man of yours might just be the one good apple. Give him a break ladies!
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: email@example.com.