Can A Woman Truly Ever Have It All?

Oprah Winfrey once said, “I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint-and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it in the form of service, working hard and also allowing the energy of the universe to find you.” These are great words to live by, but women unfortunately have to give up many things along the way in order to be successful.

As the year draws to a close, still with no honey in sight (just like the previous year, gosh dang it), it begs me to ask myself the burning and heart- wrenching question, “What exactly was I doing wrong in my love life?” Was my “chest too high” as we say? Was I waiting for someone that just does not exist?

Mind you, the past few years have been very pivotal years for me, and that might explain the lack of a lover. Still yet, as my professional life blossoms and my personal and intimate situations decline, I must question, as I always do, the relevancy of my accomplishments when there is no one to share the highs and the lows with?

Statistics show that 50 percent of professional Black women and 35 percent of professional White women will remain unmarried. Did women’s lib, in its own way, instill in us that in order to be successful in the business world; we must negate our motherly calling to nurture and care for our children and families, in order to succeed? Do professional women believe that they must be single or childless in order to be considered a viable and forceful businesswoman? If one was to look at Oprah Winfrey or Condoleezza Rice, two of the most powerful women in the world, one would tend to agree.

“Your problem Sandy is that you are too darn picky,” my girlfriend Monica always says to me. “I mean look pon de guy Donovan that we met at the club last year? It was obvious that he liked you a lot as he keeps calling me for your number and you never, ever responded.”

“And he was not ugly either,” she went on to say. “Yes, he was not ugly,” I agreed with her. “But I just don’t pick up any man from a club setting,” I said to her. Tacky! “And that is another one of your problems,” Monica added. “You are too judgmental and don’t give people a chance.” Yes, I would have to agree with her on that one. Although I am not unkind, my standards are extremely high.

However, still yet, I do know that even if Donovan (obviously not his real name), was not “the one” for me, it still opened up my eyes to my life as it was playing itself out in front of me. Do I really want to live the life of a professional Black woman, climbing fast up the corporate ladder, breaking through that unseen glass ceiling, with no one by my side?

What, if any, source of recourse and steps can be taken in order for me to escape, “the strong, Black, independent, and of course pathetically lonely” stereotype that exists? Maybe I needed to date more, as my sister suggested as she grilled me on a recent visit. “Why aren’t you dating?” she questioned me with her nosey self. “I mean I know that you are very ambitious Sandy, but yu need to find somebody soon.”

“Mom doesn’t Sandy need to find a man?” she queried my mother over the phone. And of course my mother answered her very flippantly, “I don’t care… it’s her life,” she replied hastily.

Which brings me right back to my point, as the choice to either go left or right is still mine and at this point in time, I have decided that “yes, I can have it all”.  As Rome was not built in a day, the past years have proven to us that we have, and will continue to be the pillars of strength, not only in the home but also in the workplace as well.

At the end of the day, the joys of my accomplishments will forever boost my confidence for me to truly believe that yes, “I believe I can fly”, even if I am sitting alone in a rocking chair many years from now, with a shaken not stirred martini, drinking alone on my spacious porch. Hey, I never said that the ending would be perfect now did I?

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.