All’s Fair In Love And War!

Nowadays, the common saying among men is that they “do not really want a relationship!” Really now, what exactly does that mean, one must ask? My question has always been, “Then why allow me to get emotionally involved with you if you knew you wanted nothing or had nothing to give back to me in return?” Good question, don’t you think?

Which leads me to wonder, have men really lost focus and have no idea or clue on how to deal with women anymore? Have our roles changed so much over the years that no one wants to be married, or even be in a committed, loving relationship anymore?

Okay, so you have had a great date, he seems like a wonderful man and you think that he is “the one”. You can see him as the father of your future children and the love of your life. You go home, gushy and in love, and then call him to let him know, in your sweetest voice of course, “what a wonderful time you had.” Only problem though, is that he never calls you back and does not even send you a text or an e-mail. With technology these days, there is just no excuse. If he has not called or “Facebooked” you, get the point my friend, he is not interested.

It is a fact that some women will often try to force the issue with a man. Okay, so you like him a lot and have already picked out your bridesmaid dresses, along with the drapes for your house in the suburbs. Unfortunately, he has not! So you “will” yourself (and him as well) to let this dream, this fantasy of yours come true. But he has not even called once to at least begin the actual baby-making and family-building process. You don’t need a crystal ball or a psychologist to tell you, you know exactly what is going on.

Men are very simple creatures. If they like you they will find you, no matter where in the world you are. Your job is not to make it easier for him by picking up the phone and calling him constantly like the stalker girlfriend of his nightmares in order to let him know “what a wonderful time you had and when are you two going to get together again!” That is the last thing that you should do, even if you want to desperately.

The one thing that you are not is “desperate”. Not because you are trying not to seem desperate, but because you really are not! The difference between you and the other women, who are constantly trying to win his attention, is that you don’t need him to succeed and to thrive. There is no pretence in this statement, as the only thing that you should be focused on is your career and family of course.

Finding the right man is like finding the right shoe; they are all so pretty and shiny, but they don’t all fit!

Your man should fit into your world, not you into his. From my experience with men, I have surmised that men will take and take and take until you have no more to give. You have to put your foot down from the very beginning if you want your prospective man to know that you are not at his beck and call only to be discarded like garbage when he has gotten his fill.

“But I think that he still loves me Sandy, and he just does not know how to show it,” my friend Jacqueline complained to me recently about her man who was now neglecting her. “Well then, until he gets a clue and knows what to do, you just do “You” until such time,” I encouraged her forcefully.

“Remember that even at one hundred years old, he can still find a young chick to be with. You on the other hand as a woman, will not be so lucky,” I went on to say. Harsh words, I know, but completely necessary in order to get my point across!

“Do not put all your eggs into one basket”, my mother always used to say to me.

You do this by not making yourself available to him whenever he wants, and by not calling him constantly, as if your day and life depended upon his voice. Men pick up on desperation, so don’t act like a desperate woman! He should be working overtime to get to you, and wondering where you are, not the other way around.

It’s common knowledge that there are more single women than single men, so make sure that he knows that he has an independent woman who can stand on her own two feet if need be, and at any time.

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.