Frederick Douglass wisely said, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” This quote should especially be taken into consideration if you are a woman with children from a previous relationship, who happens to find herself in the dating world later on in life.
This is a very, very tricky subject: kids and the new man. Here is the scenario: you have met your Mr. Wonderful, who rocks your world, buys you flowers, and pays you the attention that you like and certainly deserve. The only problem is that the kids keep telling you, “Mommy, Donovan is weird and gives me a creepy feeling.” The obvious thing to do is to pay attention to what your children are saying, as children often pick up on things more quickly than adults.
Especially if you are a single mother with a teenage daughter, you should definitely listen to every word, every statement, that she says. No man is worth damaging your relationship with your child, and you should never allow any man to come between you and your children. You will find another man if need be, and your child, especially a daughter, will never forgive you if she opens herself up to you and you do not listen.
There are many women out there, many lonely women, I might add, who are desperate for love and will take it any which way, shape, or form in which it is given to them. They might be in their thirties, still attractive, and finding the pool of pickings getting more shallow as the days drag on, and they are desperate to settle with any man that comes their way.
All your friends might be married or in a relationship, and you are beginning to doubt yourself. Don’t! Do you really know your Mr. Wonderful? When we meet a man, most times we are only focused on his charm, good looks and his big bank account. We keep dreaming about this gorgeous specimen of a man who will be the father of our children.
We push aside everything else that comes our way about this man, even if it is staring us right in the face. “Girl, so what if he never answers his phone during the night when I call, or if he always freaks out over nothing while we are in a discussion?” These are some of the things that we often say to ourselves and others as we try to make excuses for his behaviour and strange actions. The only thing that we forget is that most people hide their true personalities from us, masking who they really are until we have gotten to like them and are drawn into their world.
By then it is difficult to break free. The first six to eight months of any friendship or relationship is based on superficial feelings, created by superficial character traits. You have to take your time to really get to know a man, any man. Find out who this person really is. You do not want to open up your heart and your home to someone who will not respect, love, or care for you the way you should be cared for.
Even worse, do you know how many crazy people are running around in this world? Can you imagine getting involved with someone, letting them into your life, only to find out a year later that they are mentally unstable, and should not be allowed anywhere near common-sense folks? Time, no matter your age, status in life, how much money you have in the bank, or how pretty or desirable you are, is your best friend; use it wisely.
A man will show you only what he wants to show you in the beginning (and of course we all know what his first objective is). It’s important to get to know him deeper than simply listening to him tell you what you want to hear. One encounter could result in your life being ruined in many ways, and this ladies, is no joke. So take the time to get to know him, and if you can’t figure him out by yourself during those first few months, utilize Google, Facebook, Twitter or Instagram for any information on this man.
The Internet, which can be a source of many bad things, can also work in your favour. Do you know that many employers these days do not even look at your resumes or your references, but first turn to the Internet to find out about their possible employee? If it is good for your boss and big businesses, why shouldn’t it be good for you and your love life as well?
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: email@example.com.