Stunting A Culture Of Violence

Dwain Wellington Rattray
Pride Contributing Editor

The steady spate of sexual assaults in Toronto have left me wondering what causes a person to visit violence upon another. Myriad speeches are given and voices ring out in rage when we address the issue of violence in any of its forms. But when a woman experiences violence – especially domestic and or sexual violence – the clarion call for action resounds to the heights of heaven and the depths of hell.

Marches are organized, songs are composed, poetry is crafted and we ensure that programs are funded (if even temporarily) in the fight against violence. This is right. That is the correct course of action to begin the task of stunting a culture of violence with which we have lived for too long. There can be no wavering in this endeavour. We educate the public about this plague; we educate women and girls about a danger so imminent that they receive rape whistles as a matter of course. But is there a deliberate education of men? What of the boys? Unless we begin to change the way our male children view and value women, the scourge of sexual and domestic violence will continue into the next generation.

With a steady diet of violence from music, television, video games and the playground, we cannot in all good conscience expect anything other than a spilling over into everyday behaviours. Let me be clear, it is not my position that every person bombarded by violence as ‘entertainment’ or during the general course of their life transfers that violence to reality. However, when violence is imprinted upon the social consciousness and mental DNA of an entire generation, we should expect that violence to take a comfortable seat in our backyards.

When we teach our sons how to throw a ball or slap a puck, let us also teach them how to gently hold a hand. In our zeal to have them learn the proper way to hold a razor, let us have them learn how to hold open a door. Let us teach them the beauty of tenderness even as we explain the importance of strength. Teach them how to hug. Often, we think small things are irrelevant – they are not. If we will consciously, consistently teach our sons – regardless of our biological connection or their age –who and what women are, we will redeem ourselves as guardians of the next generation.

Our children sit quietly at our feet waiting upon wisdom and instruction. Let us be responsible and deliberately teach them one day at a time.

Hold your head high my sons
And walk into the brilliance of your future
Unfettered by antiquated ideas of masculinity
Designed to stifle your sacred lineage.

Shove your proud shoulders back my kings
And dance across life’s tapestry
With your noble queen adorned in
The light of your unfailing love.