Steve Jobs once said, “Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach will never let me down and it has made all the difference in my life.”
Jobs no doubt used this quote to inspire others to dream, and dream big as it pertained to business ventures. However, we can certainly use this quote to inspire us to trust that all the dots will connect for us at some point, in regards to love and relationships; especially if you are a single black woman.
Which begs us to indeed wonder why so many black women are unmarried or without a steady partner by their sides? Specifically, why do so many strong, independent black women, remain unmarried and find it difficult to find love? Is it because we have nothing to choose from or do we have too many to choose from, so therefore we hesitate to choose?
Although statistics show that the percentage of black people marrying is more than it has been since the late 1970’s, the overall average of black women who will remain unmarried is staggering, if not frightening. According to the statistics, at least 45% of black women are unmarried and the numbers are even higher if you are a successful black woman. Many things can be attributed to this study, as not only do black women outnumber black men, but many black men are incarcerated, already married, gay, or have married outside of their own race.
Many guys however, would state that black women are too “bitter”, are always fussing and set their standards too high, and so they are then turned off from dating black women or even marrying them. “Black women are too strong-willed, too stubborn and too argumentative,” a friend confided to me recently. “If only you guys could be a little bit more feminine and less bothersome,” he also added sheepishly.
As I listened to this crock of baloney that Donovan (of course not his real name), was spewing, I calmed myself and really thought about the answer before I gave it to him. “So tell me something”, I asked him. “Why are you single? You being a black man should never, ever be single, as you have too many women to choose from.”
“What is your issue,” I asked him while staring at his face. That of course shut him up immediately! Unfortunately, he has not spoken to me since then. Oh well!
My intention is never to insult or to humiliate, as that would serve no purpose. However, most times when an the issue is highlighted, my male friends are never too happy at the face that stares right back at them in the mirror; so distance is the easiest form of recourse. This is a great way to alienate friends for sure!
Women also need to make better choices for themselves, because even though the pickings might be little to non-existent, it does not mean that we have to accept whatever comes our way out of desperation. The last thing that you need to do is lump everyone in the same basket – as you will ultimately lose miserably at the game of life and love.
Out there somewhere is your prince charming, maybe not on a white horse and with the best of credit, but with a heart to love you, your weaknesses and also your strengths. The unfortunate thing is that we do not see our own beauty at times and allow so many things to take control of our lives.
Being in control of your life is not such a difficult task at it may seem, as you are the master of your own domain. Whether you get married or remain single, your ultimate happiness is determined by your belief that at some point your dots will finally connect.
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@ gmail.com.