Oh, What A Tangled Web We Weave!

Comedian Roseanne Barr once said, “A good man doesn’t just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is like a lump, like a doughnut. So first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap they pick up from beer commercials. And then there’s my personal favourite…the male ego.”

Roseanne is certainly known for her off the wall comedic statements, and even her famous rants and outbursts, but it is my belief that she hit the nail on the head with this quote. Most of my girlfriends also agree with this train of thought, and some will even go so far as to suggest that the more you ignore a man and treat him like dirt, or even to go so far as to totally ignore him, the more he will desire you.

“Men don’t want a girl or woman who is more in love with him than he is with her,” my girlfriend Tanya once said. “Treat a man like crap and you will see how fast he will be running you down.

“Dem like the chase,” she suggested. “I am also sure that I have read that somewhere in one, if not all, of the self-help books that I own.”

She honestly should consider opening up her own bookstore as she certainly does own a lot of self-help books which “helps me inhale, exhale and release,” she admitted. “Don’t pay them any mind and you will see how fast they will be asking you if he can be your one and only, even if he has not made his intentions quite clear.”

In my quest for knowledge I felt a burning desire to ask my male associates, why some men believed that they could actually forbid a woman from dating others, even if he himself is not interested in her enough to have a relationship with said woman?

After their first initial reaction of surprise at the bluntness of my questions, the answers began to flow. I did notice however that their answers came with a slight bit of hesitation. The unwritten code of “You never talk on other men or buss a man’s game” began to rear its ugly head.

A few tried to use the Bible to rationalize a man’s actions. I ignored this explanation as I thought that it would be best to leave God out of this one! The last bunch explained by saying that it was a form of control, and that a man just wanted to make sure that he was still the master of his domain, and a woman is a part of his domain. They also went on to say that the man merely wanted to see if he still, “Had you in his grip and that you were still into him.”

As I considered the comments made by both Tanya and some of my male associates, I am not surprised at the state of our relationships, as both sides play their respective “game”, each setting a trap in order to come out on top. We will lose at the game of love if we continue to play mindless games; games that take us further away from each other, instead of bringing us together.

Although I agree with Barr’s quote, at the end of the day I realize that men and women should be given an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and “start from scratch” as we say in the game of love. We must remember that everyone is not the same. If only we could agree to disagree!

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.