Be In Competition With Only Yourself!

Warren Farrell once wisely said, “All women’s issues are to some degree men’s issues and all men’s issues are to some degree women’s issues because when either sex wins unilaterally both sexes lose.” This makes a lot of sense as at the end of the day, it is not about winning in the “battle of the sexes”. The goal is to avoid the battle, if you can, in the first place.

Over the years, I have found that one thing is constant; set in stone as we would say. No one rule is correct. Love, I know, is something that makes you act crazy, irrational, and wacky, and yet without love in your life you are almost dead; without purpose or meaning.

Over the years, I have loved many times and lost many times each time truly believing that this is the one; perhaps my Knight in shining armor. The one to make me melt forever, love forever, fight for forever and bear his children…forever. Would he be the one to know that he has to fix my car when it breaks down by the side of the road without me asking? Would he just instinctively know that I should not have to come out of my pocket when we are on a date, for at least the first five times?

Would he just know that I should never cry and he be okay with it, that he should do whatever he can to not see me hurt? The more important question however is how did I develop such a desire for my Mr. Right? Have I now become somewhat of a player or playette, as someone referred to me recently?

“Sandy, yu know seh mi mention yu name to a buddy of mine and mi tell him how much mi like you and want to ask you out,” a friend of mine said to me recently. “But him tell mi seh that you is a player and to avoid getting too hung up on you, as you are not really interested in a relationship wid a man.”

At first, of course, I was shocked and a little bit hurt at being described as a player, but I honestly wanted to examine the issue at hand, in order to see if there were any justifications to his comments.

After the initial shock of that statement, I began to examine what was actually being said and why. I searched deep within to try and comprehend my friend’s logic. “Perhaps the answers would come from within,” I thought.

After a heartfelt examination of my life, I concluded that perhaps I just did not fit into the “the mould” of what a woman was supposed to be, want, or even wish for her life; as I certainly was not focused on being anyone’s partner or wife. Yes, I wanted a good relationship and a good man, but I do not need one and do not act as if I do.

My friend’s statement encouraged the same stereotypical behaviour of women and what is expected of you; in order to get a man. A woman’s job is to be docile and subservient, to smile at every turn and seemingly beg to be rescued out of her miserable single life. How dare her love the single life? She must then, as my friend and his friend assumed, be a player and therefore must be left alone.

“I love having the freedom to choose who I want to be with,” I told my friend. “Yes, I do have a few men that I ‘talk to’, and so what? If that makes me a player, then so be it,” I continued with a wicked grin.

Now, where did I put my little black book again? I have a big event coming up pretty soon that I must attend, and I needed to find my perfect date for the night; to see who would be perfect as arm candy for the night of course!

Gosh darn it; I guess I am a bit of a player! The only battle should be with yourself and yourself only, as you strive to live the life that you desire for yourself, and not what others want for you, or to be in competition with another human being.

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.