Can Black Men And Black Women Bridge Their Gap?

In the game of modern day love, black women and black men seem to be forever on the losing side of the war. Although statistics show that the percentage of black people marrying is more than it has been since the late 1970s, the overall average of black women who will remain unmarried is staggering, if not frightening. According to the statistics, at least 45% of black women are unmarried and the numbers are even higher if you are a successful black woman.

Many things can be attributed to this study, as not only do black women outnumber black men, but many black men are incarcerated, already married, gay, or have married outside of their own race. Many guys however, would state that black women are too “bitter”, are always fussing and set their standards too high; so they are then turned off from dating black women or even marrying them.

“Sandy, it is not that I don’t love black women, because I do,” a friend of mine admitted to me recently as I, Ms. Nosey, as I like to refer to myself, questioned him on his love life and his  most recent love choices. Donovan, (obviously not his real name) also said, “It is just that it is so difficult to deal with you guys sometimes.” I chose my words carefully as I really liked him and wanted to get to the heart of the matter.

“The fact remains that you cannot continue to just dismiss us because of past mistakes or just an assumption that every situation is going to be an awful one,” I said to him. Donovan paused for a minute and then smiled as he said, “You know that you’re right Sandy Daley. I obviously need to take a hard look at myself and the choices that I am making.”

As I listened to Donovan, I realized that he made a few good points as it pertained to the state of black love, and the fact that many black women are losing in the battle for our black men, since black men have tons to choose from nowadays. Black women can perhaps help themselves in the fight to bridge the gap between us.

The first step would be for us to stop holding up the walls; hanging on to our girlfriends’ arms; or saying, “No thank you” when we attend any public functions or parties.  It is no wonder that our black men have turned away from us, as they are also human beings and no one likes rejection. I make a deliberate choice when I go out to mingle with the opposite sex, if they seem somewhat interested in me.

“It is only a dance,” I say to my girlfriends, as I wiggle my way unto the dance floor with my partner, while I leave them behind to either dance with themselves or hold up the walls of the club. “It’s not as if the guy has asked me to marry him, and plus which, I am not a man-hater and have never been, and will never be interested in women in that way.”  I notice the look of amazement on their faces as they watch me and my partner dance to one of my favourite tunes!

I know that at the end of the night, they will be complaining (again), that all the black men were there dancing with a lot of other races of women and where were all the good black men? “Right under your noses,” I would say to them if I could, as when he came to ask you for a dance, you rejected him as usual. You then gave him no choice but to look for love and acceptance somewhere else – though you were his first choice.”

With that being said, remain open-hearted, and able to love, as one bad apple does not spoil the whole bunch. And who knows, next year’s Valentine’s Day you might be skiing in the French Alps with your love, (tall, dark and handsome), to whom you actually gave a chance to see you as a possible choice.

I have learnt that many things in life are in our control, however, the only problem is that we refuse to see and acknowledge the enormous power we have. It will certainly take some time for us to accomplish this goal of “bridging the gap”, but as we all know, Rome was not built in one day, therefore we must be patient.

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: https:// twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.