By Sandy Daley
The late Margaret Thatcher once said, “I usually make up my mind about a man in 10 seconds and I very rarely change it.” This lady was certainly considered by many to be a very ‘tough cookie’, but I must say that I agree with her 100 percent with this quote!
I have always known the type of man that would make me want to at least “slow down” one day. Of course he would have to be worldly, educated, funny, full of swag, a little bit hood and romantic at the same time. He certainly had to be ambitious, self-driven, Godly, compromising and also respectful of his elders and his culture.
He also had to be sexually satisfying in bed, meeting most of my requirements, and certainly not breaking my “deal breaker” request of the oral kind. A very, very tall order…right? Could such a man be alive and not just be a figment of my imagination?
To be completely honest with you, I myself thought that this man would never surface, a dream never to be fulfilled, as I envisioned myself with a geeky-looking man with thick-rimmed glasses. He would be saying, “Yes Sandy” or, “Anything you want Sandy,” as I shouted at him rudely for leaving the toilet seat up—again. The thought of a “Yes Man”, not able to hold his ground with me when I challenged him, and challenge him I will, repelled me to my core as I know that this type of man would not stand a chance with me in the long run.
As is obvious I would ‘run over a man’ like to a Mack truck if allowed. I certainly do not intend to add to the increasingly high ratio of divorce or infidelity which has plagued our society over the last few years. Recent studies reveal that 45-55 percent of married women and 50-60 percent of married men engage in extramarital relationship at some point of their relationship. Why should I marry someone to whom I might not be entirely attracted in the first place? Why add to the statistics?
Believe you me, I am as modern as the next woman, but also as old-fashioned as your Pentecostal aunt scurrying to Church every Sunday, with her bible clutched tightly to her bosom. You know that aunt right? The one that complains to your mother by stating, “God forbid the young ladies of today who have no morals to stand on and can’t boil water to save their lives, much less know how to keep a man happy and get him to marry her.” And of course, she also has to enquire as to, “Why is your skirt so short Sandy, and why are you always talking about vaginas and penises on the radio?” My apologies, I do digress, as this is my life, not yours!
The way how I rationalize things these days in order to make sense of it all, is that one has to go through a lot of pain and suffering in order for them to figure out their likes and dislikes when choosing a partner. You must have a guider of sorts in order to steer you in the right direction though. If not, you will just be nothing more than a loose leaf blowing aimlessly in the wind, landing anywhere and nowhere of substance. And we certainly do not wish to have that happen.
Closely examine your relationship or situation with a man as you would a job, only moving forward if there is a probability of favourable emotional gains. You have to know what you want from a man, and have your guiders set, intact of course, but approaching the situation with teenager-like qualities, still willing to believe in love and throwing all caution to the wind.
And when I glance at S.K., sleeping contentedly after a passionate lovemaking romp, with his long bow legs wrapped around mine, I do whisper, ever so softly in his ears as he snores away loudly, “Got a man that I think, I’m gonna love forever!” Please, don’t ever mention this to him, as it might just inflate his already inflated ego.
I constantly have to remind him, “Leave your ego at the door when you deal with me baby;” which incidentally he does, when I ask him nicely of course. Hey, I never said he was perfect, but he is mine! He is certainly not a ‘yes man’, but at the end of the day, “Mi can work wid him,” as we say.