Pride Sex Columnist
My most life changing relationships have been with older men.
S.W. taught me that size indeed does matter, and that bigger is not always better, especially when there is no talent behind the thrust; he also taught me that a man that can lick the clit is good for the soul as well as the body.
P.G. taught me that the intention to do better than one’s elders is all well and good, but the application of the desire is golden, and that some just do not have it.
A.R. taught me that love between soul mates is the belly laugh of the universe, and that ugly beginnings do blossom into beautiful endings.
Recently a dear friend confided that her new love interest was a man over 10 years her senior, as this was a new experience for her she was seeking my advice.
As a grown ass woman, I have had my share of relationships, on both ends of the age gap spectrum and in the happy middle, and I have noticed an obvious difference when it came to dating and engaging in sexual relationships with younger and older men.
This experience prompted me to ask her what she was looking for. Did she want a short-term, feel good love, or is she looking for a long-term relationship?
Entering into a relationship with an older man—outside of the social taboo and insinuations: she is a gold digger, he is a sugar daddy, there is something wrong with him if he is still single etc.—has its benefits as well as its detriments.
My personal favourite benefit of course is that the sex tends to be good; great actually, damn near amazing to tell the truth. Of course this all depends on the age group, and the health profiles of the couple.
If your older man is out of shape, out of breath, and out of stamina, I have serious doubts on the awesomeness of your sex lives. I hope for your sake, he has a tongue like a motor, and fingers like a vibrator.
Most older men have passed the “all about getting my nut off” stage, and are comfortably secure in pleasuring their woman by any means necessary.
Another benefit is that an older man comes with a different culture, date nights tend to be different, conversations and reference points tend to be different, and the circle of friends tends to be outside of what you are accustomed.
Older men are also usually at the stage where they are looking to settle down. That doesn’t necessarily mean you will be the one he settles down with, it means however that the relationship is more focused on building a foundation for a long-term relationship rather than, “we’re just talking, so let’s see where this goes.”
Every bliss comes with a little turmoil, and being a younger woman dating an older man the turmoil tends to be the intense learning curve—the age difference that manifests in a difference of mentality, perspectives and opinions.
There is wisdom in a lengthy life lived, and the wealth of learning experiences that comes with age. This in itself is a blessing, and can offer the same result found when someone travels a lot; your eyes open to a world that is bigger, uglier and more beautiful than yours.
I brought the question to C.H., an acquaintance who is in a relationship with a younger woman, when I asked him why he chose to date someone so much younger than himself, he offered this insight: “Many people think when a man is with a woman ten years his junior it is to boost his ego. Generally that is untrue. The feelings of acceptance for the person you are intrinsically is a major driver. It is empowering to find a life partner—not a sex partner—that accepts you as you are. The truth is that dynamic is more likely with a younger woman.”
My advice to my dear friend embarking on this new journey, and to all younger women standing on the edge of dating an older man, is to build a friendship first. Learn about him and allow him to learn about you before forming serious attachments and feelings.
As in any relationship, the stronger the attachments formed, the harder it is to leave an unhealthy situation, and forming a friendship first is a great way to gauge what you are getting into.
C.H. offers this advice, “Understand that you both have different ways of loving; learn to accept and appreciate the way your partner loves, accept that you are sufficient…”
In dating an older man, he wants to be a part of our world, as much as we want to be a part of his. Love is love, and its blessings are the same to all who answer, whether the age gap is 5, 10, 15, or 20 years; the soul knows and answers its mate, and that which blossoms is beautiful.
Do you have questions or problems regarding your sex life? Amirah can help you with answers. Your name and information will not be published. Amirah welcomes your feedback! Send your comments or questions to: email@example.com. Follow her on Twitter: @I_amAmirah.