Too Tired For Sex? How To Cope

By Amirah
Pride Sex Columnist

In my younger, sexually eager and curious years, I had grand dreams of marrying a tall, dark and handsome man; holing up in a bright, window encased apartment, living my days in nothing but my taut and slim birthday suit, and filling the hours with wild, loud, amazing sex.

Now that I’ve gotten older, my body is neither as taut nor slim as it used to be, my stamina is not as long winded, nor my days as endless. After long hours spent at work, sitting in traffic, after huge amounts of energy has been devoted to cooking, cleaning, cussing off President Fitzgerald Grant and cheering for Jake, and generally navigating through life, I’m tired.

Tiredness and exhaustion is a by-product of the life we have chosen to live. The hamster wheel of life doesn’t respect sleeping patterns or allow for self and relationship/familial care, but it does support the ailments, and breakdowns that come out of the long days and seemingly longer nights. The demands outside of the home we are told are an obligation to fill, causes our innate obligations to suffer, including the maintaining of romantic relationships.

It happens. Our dreams at some point give way to our realities, our carefree ways of looking at our sexual relationships, get consumed with the facts of life and something has to give—and sometimes that something is making the time to sexually connect with your partner.

If you’re in a relationship with someone you don’t live with, it’s never as simple as rolling over in bed and initiating sexual contact. It often involves aligning schedules and making the time to get together, freshening up, getting dressed, driving to your lover, engaging in emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy, freshening up, getting dressed, driving back home, and falling into bed emotionally, physically and sexually exhausted. Sometimes all of that effort is not worth the orgasm.

What do you do when that happens? Does it become a matter of duty over preference? Do you give in to maintain a happy bedroom environment?  Is your partner selfish enough to pout, and whine, and you acquiesce so you just won’t have to deal?

Although sex is an energy spending activity, it is also a rejuvenating one. Sex with someone of like energy and spiritual balance centres you; it renews and refreshes your body, mind, and soul. Merging sexually with someone that is off balance, and carriers of negative energy will deplete and drain you instead of replenish, and sometimes the effects will be long lasting.

A good love down session can also rock you into the sweetest slumber. J. Holiday knew what he was talking about when he crooned and promised he would put the lucky lady to bed. There are two ways I generally gauge the potency of my lover: How well can I walk in the morning? And, will this put me to sleep?

Sex in a state of tiredness may be a good time to put the toys away, close the Kama Sutra, light some candles, put on some Beres Hammond and make love the old fashioned way. Whether your go-to is my favourite the missionary position, or the spoon, simple and sweet can save the day.

Don’t be afraid to make requests as well. If you’re too spent for a full out sex romp, but would love for him to lick your clit, finger you, or suck your nipples into slumber, say it girl! If you don’t want to be touched at all, say that too. Sex should never be a duty, or an obligation, intimacy is a bond that holds the relationship together, but so is your health.

If you find that days and weeks, possibly months have gone by, where you are consistently too tired to engage sexually with your partner, it is time to refocus your priorities. Talk to your partner, talk to a professional, take an honest evaluation of your life, and where you spend your energy, this may be an indication that something needs to change, or be removed altogether from your life.

As your lover is crawling into bed with the anticipation of getting some cookies is not the best time to say, “I’m too tired.” Sometimes no multitude of love can overlook days, weeks, and months of “I’m too tired.” Honest and open communication is always the key, even when the key has to be forced into a rusty keyhole.

Do you have questions or problems regarding your sex life? Amirah can help you with answers. Your name and information will not be published. Amirah welcomes your feedback! Send your comments or questions to:  amirah@pridenews.ca. Follow her on Twitter: @I_amAmirah.