Satisfying A Need Versus A Desire For A Man

By Sandy Daley

Mae West once wisely said, “Give a man a free hand, and he’ll run it all over you.” Very poignant indeed, as many women these days are seemingly unsure of where they stand with the male species, are continuously making very grave mistakes when it pertains to men.

My friend Sade is a prime example of a woman totally lost, without seemingly a paddle on  which to hold. There has never been a time when Sade has ever been alone, and getting dates was never a problem for her. Sade knew she had it going on, and she let everyone else know it as well. Her work as a fitness instructor allowed her to meet lots of single men on a regular basis, and her social calendar was always full.

She was up to almost 2,000 people as friends on her Facebook page, and had recently been warned that she could not accept any more friends, or her account would be shut down. She now needed a fan page! But her dates all added up to nothing; they all had the same issue, which was why none of them ever made it to the boyfriend category.

Despite all that she had, Sade knew and felt that her life was missing something. There was no one to spill the beans to at night, to fight with for the remote control, or to argue with about leaving the toilet seat up. “Lord, please send me someone, because all the men I have don’t amount to anything,” she prayed. There was Donavan, a smooth talker from Mississauga who spoke with a fake Texan accent. There was also Mikey, a carpenter who lived in Ottawa, who only called when he was in the “cittee”.

Then there was Richard, a wealthy Jamaican businessman who would take her to Red Lobster, only on $9.99 shrimp days. He always insisted that she should only have the shrimp, as he did not think that she should eat any more than that; of course he was “thinking about her weight” he said. “What a cheapskate,” she thought. All of these men amounted to nothing at the end of the day.

Even with all of Sade’s “prospects”, she still felt lonely, knowing that none made her feel that special spark inside, that certain giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach. “What sense does it make?” she wondered. “Why bother to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone? Maybe I should break it off with all these guys, and just wait for the right one to come by. But then what am I going to do on a Saturday night?”

Okay, so you have had a great date, he seems like a wonderful man and you think that he is “the one”. You can see him as the father of your future children and the love of your life. You go home and are all gushy and in love, and you call him and tell him in your sweetest voice, “what a wonderful time you had.” Only problem though, is that he never calls you back and does not even send you a text or an e-mail. With technology these days, there is just no excuse. If he has not called or “Facebooked” you, get the point my friend; he is not that interested.

Women tend to try to force the issue with a man. Okay, so you like him a lot and you have already picked out your bridesmaid dresses and your drapes for your house in the suburbs. Unfortunately, he has not! So you “will” yourself (and him, too), to let this dream of yours come true. But he has not even called once, at least to begin the actual baby-making and family-building process.

Finding the right man is like finding the right shoe; they are all so pretty and shiny, but they don’t all fit! Your man should fit into your world, not you into his. From my experience with men (and there have been a few), I have surmised that men will take and take and take, until you have no more to give. You have to put your foot down from the very beginning if you want your prospective man to know that you are not at his beck and call.

You do this by not making yourself available to him whenever he wants, and by not calling him constantly, as if your day depended upon his voice. Men pick up on desperation, so don’t act like a desperate chick! He should be working overtime to get to you and wondering where you are, not the other way around. It is common knowledge that there are more women out there than men, so make sure he knows that he has an independent woman who can stand on her own two feet if need be. You do not need a man, you might want one, but you don’t need one. Be prepared to stand on your own two feet, for as long as it takes, as the time spent enhancing yourself will be time well spent; and will be appreciated by the right person. Not everyone deserves a piece of you, your time or your body, so therefore you need to be careful with whom you share your time. Do not allow yourself to be easily manipulated!

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email:thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.