Put The Sexy Back Into Safe Sex

By Amirah
Pride Sex Columnist

There was a woman who prayed fervently to God for a husband. She was getting older, and had achieved all that she worked hard for, yet her prayers were not being answered. She had kept her sexual being faithful to God’s promise for that special man, yet the nights were getting longer, and the cool side of the bed was growing colder. When God’s promise was taking too long to fulfill, she took matters into her own hands, and booked a well needed vacation to Jamaica.

With hopes of getting her groove back, she doesn’t think twice when she meets the beautiful, dark skinned god of a man. Wining and dining turns into long passionate nights spent together, and she feels she has helped God answer her prayers. The day of her flight, her knight in dark skinned armour hands her a present, and tells her not to open it until she is arrives safely home. Sitting on the plane, her itchy hands, and pulsing vagina gets the best of her, and she opens the beautifully wrapped box. Instead of the ring she had hoped to find, there was a tiny replica of a coffin, in the coffin, on a piece of paper were the words, “Welcome to the world of Aids.”

Though embellished for the creativity of this article, I remember hearing a story very similar to this as a warning to the single women in the church against promiscuity. However, the real issue present in this story is glaringly obvious: Why didn’t Stella get her groove back with some ribbed condoms included? And did Stella even bother to ask Winston his status? Did Stella herself know her status?

Closer to my own front door, I remember the panic I received when an ex-lover contacted me after years of silence, he wanted to meet up to “talk”, and my usually calm palms became clammy. As he pulled in front of my house, I had visions of him looking deep into my eyes, telling me he was HIV positive, and that I needed to get tested. The too big condom had slipped off mid thrust after all, and although I left shortly after, because boredom had set in, you just never know.

Instead, he looked deep into my eyes and told me he wanted to try “us” again. I passed on that request though, because size matters to me. I did however take my panic, as the universe’s way of making me more aware of the reality, that our conversation could have taken the more serious, and life altering tone.

We’ve been hearing stories of men and women deliberately infecting their sexual partners with HIV and AIDS for years: Sarah Jane Porter of South London, upon contracting the AIDS virus from a lover, engaged in unprotected sex with dozens of people over a five year span, as a means of revenge. David Dean Smith, caused panic to the residents of Michigan, when he claimed to have passed the virus on to thousands of people, both young and old, men and women with the intention of killing them by infecting them with the virus. Steven Boone of Ottawa was convicted of three counts of attempted murder for not disclosing his HIV positive status to those with whom he had sexual relations.

In 2012, according to statistics Canada, 2062 cases of HIV positive diagnoses were reported, the lowest since 1996.  Twenty-five to thirty-four percent of people infected are unaware of their status.  In Canada, a person is infected with the virus every 3 hours. Yet, it still remains easy to forget about these and other instances. It’s also easy to remain ignorant and label HIV/ AIDS as a Black only epidemic, a disease of the underprivileged, a result of same-sex relationships, and those that are still on the down-low.

Sexual intercourse is a human experience, and that is what HIV/AIDS understands, not race, colour, social status, age, or sexual orientation, it understands our need to feel each other, for unobstructed contact. It’s easy to allow the realness of HIV/AIDS to become just another meme, until it affects you, and those that you love.

Whether merging for love or for lust, protection is the first step in awareness. Have grown folk conversations over pumpkin spiced lattes, and glasses of wine, and don’t be afraid to ask to see paperwork. Put the sexy back into contraceptives: textured, coloured, flavoured, thin and sensitive, safe sex has become an industry that has grown exponentially over the years. If you cannot afford condoms and dental dams, they are available for free at many Health Centres.

December 1st was World Aids Day, and though it has come and gone like every other day of awareness, the urgency it carries didn’t end at midnight. Know your status. Know your lover’s status, and when you ditch him or her for a new one, know his/her status too. Value your being in every sense of self-responsibility. ‘No means no.’  ‘No glove, no love.’

Do you have questions or problems regarding your sex life? Amirah can help you with answers. Your name and information will not be published. Amirah welcomes your feedback! Send your comments or questions to:  amirah@pridenews.ca.
Follow her on Twitter: @I_amAmirah.