The Love Languages To A More Fulfilling Relationship

By Amirah
Pride Sex Columnist

Valentine’s Day is now over, the box of chocolate you were gifted is almost empty, the flowers are already showing signs of decay, and your body is now basking in the memories of the February 14^th, babies are at the godparents, candles, and rose petals on the bed type of sex.

What next? What now? There is a growing movement shunning the commercial intrusion on the spirit that Valentine’s Day, couples and those uncoupled are yearning for something more—something of a different type of tangibility, a continuous experience that candy, giant teddy bears, and candlelight dinners cannot fill.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, has revolutionized the way we understand relationships. Though his ground-breaking book was written specifically for romantic relationships, the knowledge can be used and applied to all the different relationships in our lives; because regardless of the level or depth of our interactions with others, the majority of our actions and reactions are grounded in and stem from our need for love.

Do you know, and understand your love language? Do you know and understand the love language of your mate? As you are reading this article, is the little voice inside your head asking you why this is so important? According to Walmart Canada, most Canadians spent on average of $177 dollars in anticipation of getting some on Valentine’s Day. I can almost guarantee that most of these receivers of such gifts and frivolities do not value receiving gifts as an expression of love—knowing that might have saved many people $177.

In his book Chapman outlines and delves into the five ways we mainly show and receive love: Words of Affirmations, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. If your significant other seems to be fishing for compliments every day, and encouraging you to tell them how good they look, how smart they are or how funny their jokes are, it’s a good bet their love language is words of affirmation. If your child is always hanging around you, like batty and bench, wanting to be with you everywhere you go, your child’s love language could be quality time. If your best friend is always hugging you, high-fiving you, offering massages, or touching you to get your attention, they could either want to be more than friends with you (oop!) or their love language is physical touch.

Not knowing and understanding these different expressions of love, and how they manifest could reduce our mate’s, child’s, and friend’s quirks, and reactions to mere annoyances, and childish behaviour, especially if we do not share the same love language. Knowledge is the beginning of wisdom, and to have a more fulfilling relationship, it’s vitally important to first know how it is that you receive love, and how you show love to others.

One of my love languages is words of affirmation; I love to hear how beautiful, amazing, funny, smart, and resourceful I am. At the beginning of our relationship an ex of mine filled his mouth with compliments for me, they were verbally said, expressed through emails, and text messages, and then they began to wane, getting to the point when they stopped completely. I brought it up to him, and we had an extensive conversation about it, and he understood why it was important to me, yet he continued making no effort to speak my love language, and that was my first indication that our relationship had come to an end.

People change, and evolve over time and so can their love language depending on current situations, and circumstances. Love languages can also be shaped by nurture as well as nature, and all of these factors make us who we are, how we receive, and understand love, and how we express it to others.

In a past relationship, an ex-boyfriend once berated me for wanting to have sex so much, which negatively impacted my sexual self-esteem and prowess, and I stopped initiating sexual contact. That resulted in still having a hard time balancing my insecurity when dating someone whose main love language was physical touch. Although physical touch is not limited to sexual contact, one does tend to lead to the other, and so one can and will impact the other.

In sharing my experiences, I hope you have had a chance to sift through your experiences, and see that you relate to me. If you haven’t already, I encourage you to take the Love Languages test. Talk to your mate, your lover, child(ren), friends, and family members, and find out what their love language is, and share yours as well. Walk in the open expression, and manifestation of their truth, and you will experience more fulfilling relationships.

Do you have questions or problems regarding your sex life? Amirah can help you with answers. Your name and information will not be published. Amirah welcomes your feedback! Send your comments or questions to: amirah@pridenews.ca. Follow her on Twitter: @I_amAmirah.