How To Break The News To Bad Lovers

By Amirah
Pride Sex Columnist

Have you ever had an awful sexual experience? Have you been with someone that just didn’t know what they were doing? Sloppy, all over the place sex? Sex that wasn’t worth you pulling out your best moves, because you already regretted wasting the shower water on preparing your body for that disaster?

How do you tell your lover that their bedroom skill is not the business?

I have had two and a half bad lovers in my lifetime, (the half is important because I loved him, and we were young and inexperienced) and they were all beautiful learning experiences, and ones that I never want to repeat ever again. How do you break the news? Over breakfast in the morning? As you lay sad and confused in the bed beside your lover after another unfulfilling session? If you are like me, you would just put on your clothes and walk out.

Granted he tried his best, after spending many months trying to woo me, we had agreed to a sex with no strings attached relationship. I had high expectations when I arrived at his house—you would too if “I’m going to take care of you like no man has ever done before” was hanging over your head. Yes please! Give me the business.

When I had to ask him if he was in yet mid-thrust, I knew we both had lost. When I had to ask him to please stop licking my clit, I knew we were at the point of no return. I had lost the precious time I would never get back, he had lost my respect, and my horny feelings were hurt.

So without a word I slid out from underneath him, put on my clothes, and left. I didn’t love him and we weren’t in an agreed monogamous relationship so I didn’t take care to spare his feelings; and when he asked me if I was coming back for more, I simply said no. I didn’t even say “No thank you”. The extra effort to be polite just wasn’t worth it.

If you are in love with your mate however, it can get tricky, because you do not want to hurt their feelings, so there is always the route of compromise. His thrust game may be weak, but his tongue game may be on point, he can finger you from sunrise to sunset, and you’ll meet God each time.

She may not be active during sexual intercourse, and may be lacking in the vagina squinting Olympics, but her head game is the breakfast of champions. Thankfully we are very creative beings, and there are plethora ways to cause sexual pleasure. Are you open to spending the time to teach your mate how to please you? It’s important to ask yourself what you are willing to live with.

And if you are in a committed, monogamous relationship, is the love strong enough to endure a lifetime of bad sex?

Divorce rates are climbing higher and higher, with too much sex, too little sex, or unfulfilling sex being a major contributor to marriages and relationships ending. I believe in lifelong unions, I cherish the thought of growing old with the person who I love, and with who I am in love.

So I am for sex before marriage because, God forbid, I pledge the rest of my life to someone that makes me feel drier after sex than before. Yes, there is something to be said about the process it takes to learn each other’s bodies, preferences and sexual styles, and there is also something to be said about natural fit, energies, and coordination. When two bodies do not fit, they just do not fit. The truth at the end of many days and nights of bad sex could be that we may just not be the right lovers for each other, and that is ok.

We are all worthy of the kind of sexual intimacy that will cause us to rush home after work, we are all worthy of mind blowing, body and spirit refuelling sex. If you have resigned yourself to living with bad sex for the rest of your life, I wish you many batteries and pulsating shower heads.

I made the decision long ago that bad sex was no longer one of the things I would accept out of life.

If you have made the same decision, take some time, evaluate your sexual needs, wants, strengths and weaknesses, and do not settle for less than what your heart—and your horniness—desires.

Do you have questions or problems regarding your sex life? Amirah can help you with answers. Your name and information will not be published. Amirah welcomes your feedback! Send your comments or questions to: amirah@pridenews.ca. Follow her on Twitter: @I_amAmirah.