How To Define A Successful Relationship

By Amirah
Pride Sex Columnist

At some point in our evolution and seeking completion, our lives become engrossed in finding the right relationship. This time of transition is different for everyone, though there is rarely one defining moment, there comes a time when our actions, our thought processes, and our mission is centered on finding the right relationship into which we can comfortably settle. This is not limited to finding the right mate, it can also include creating the right atmosphere to minimize the big deal breakers like financial stability, home ownership, the desire to be mobile or have access to quality transit.

This pruning work can also include addressing the minor deal breakers: buying the right clothes, working out for, or paying for the right body, developing the right personality, finding the right group of friends, grabbing the perfect wingman. All is done in an effort to secure our happily ever after. Though the word and implication of “right” is from a societal influence perspective, it is easy to get sucked into conforming to what we are told we should want to want, and what it should look like when we finally achieve it.

What does a successful relationship look like? With 1,000 new online dating services launching each year, that is the question to which we are all seeking answers; and how we answer that question will dictate the quality of our relationships. The end goal for many people is no longer wedding bells and white floor-length gowns for which we can’t pay. Yes, though many people still desire to get married, just as many people want to experience the greatest summertime fling of their lives, others are content with finding the right side-piece to bring some much needed love back into their failing relationships, and excitement into their lives. Others just desire the right companionship. Each of these carry its own success, because there is no perfect formula to a successful relationship, as we are all beautifully different, so are the people we love and to whom we cleave, and so are the lives and experiences we forge out of those companionships.

Thanks to a much needed resurgence in self-love, and the “Me first” doctrine, we are learning that a successful relationship no longer has to include the Disney princess happily ever after. We so covet the love that lasts a lifetime, we fail to understand that the span of a lifetime can be one beautiful day, a week, or two lovingly spent years. Making a beautiful home, birthing and raising amazing children, hunkering down and pooling funds together to follow dreams and create a business together, are all earmarks of a successful relationship. How does your lover/mate make you feel? How does the relationship serve you? Are you in fear or in bliss? Are you growing or are you stagnant? If the relationship ended tomorrow, would you break down and become depressed, or would you thank God for the time you both spent together and cherish the memories? Are you less, or are you more because of this love?

Those are all questions to ask yourself in determining if you have a successful relationship. Yes, people change and mistakes will be made, and depending on your standards and requirements, the relationship may end—that shouldn’t take away from the love and the life that existed during your lifetime together. A successful relationship shouldn’t be judged based on how it died, but based on how it lived, and breathed, and created.

In our quest for the right relationship, start at the foundation of it all; where there is only you, and your desire. Figure out what you want to achieve in your “right” relationship, along with the why, and then ask yourself what you want all of that to look like. I wish you all the goodness in the world, and I wish for you many successful relationships.

Do you have questions or problems regarding your sex life? Amirah can help you with answers. Your name and information will not be published. Amirah welcomes your feedback! Send your comments or questions to: amirah@pridenews.ca. Follow her on Twitter: @I_amAmirah.