By Sandy Daley
So, another Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and still you found yourself with no date, no fresh flowers in a vase, no one took you out to dinner, and no hot, steamy lovemaking session to boast to your girlfriends about.
Perhaps you even shed a tear or two, as you binged watched episodes of “Sex and the City”, DVR’rd “Bridesmaids”,re-read all the pages of Think Like a Man (volumes one and two), and stuck all the pages of Whose Vagina Is It, Really? to your forehead. This all happened, of course, while you contemplated what you were doing wrong in your dating life.
Were you not sexy, sweet, or womanly enough for the fellas? Why was it that Mary Lou, (with her bad attitude — a man has to pay all my bills and no-cooking self), continuously has multiple offers for a Valentine’s date, and you end up with zero? Was she better in the sack than you were? Were her kisses sweeter, her hips more inviting? What in God’s name were you doing wrong? Why do you continue to choose the wrong man?
Realistically, we could go on and on and on for days with this question, as it truly is a very loaded statement/question (which honestly says a lot about you). Your choices, your value system, your past, your relationship with your father, and so on and so forth, no doubt play a factor in your relationship status.
But, as I am certainly no psychologist or counsellor, nor do we honestly have the time to examine every facet of your existence, let’s just get to the bottom of this very, very testy and challenging question. Why do you keep choosing the wrong man ladies, when there are so many amazing men out there, waiting with bated breathe for your love, affection and attention? It boggles the mind, if I may say so myself!
Why are you not taking full control of your love life, your choices, and all your personal relationships? Why are we still blaming others for our past, present, and future mistakes?
I have had reason to chuckle out aloud recently, as now there is even a stage play that wishes to tackle the issue: “Lord, why do I Keep choosing the wrong man?”, hit the stages of Toronto at the end of last month. Seriously?!!! Writer and producer Emmanuel Seegars stated that, “my mother chose the wrong man, my sister chose the wrong man, all the women in my family chose the wrong man.”
Although Seegars is to be admired for highlighting the issues that the women in his family have faced, I am not too sure if the Lord should be dragged into this debacle of a love life that they, and most single women have. Although, in order to play devil’s advocate, I think that it might be a good idea, as the bible does say that you and your mate should be one. Don’t quote me word for word on that one, as I have not seen the insides of a church for quite sometime! He still knows me though! Wink, wink!
Of course, there is nothing wrong with requesting the Lord’s help in finding you a mate. Heck, how much more harm can he do, compared to the irreparable damage that you have done so far on your own in your attempts to find a man?
I truly believe that many of us continue to suffer in many ways because we refuse to take ownership of our own wrong-doings. Your past and/or whether or not your father played an integral part of your upbringing will always be a part of your psyche, yet you are still able to recognize the signs that are in front of you when you meet that oh, so sexy Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now. The missing in action moments, the “baby, the dog ate my phone” excuses, or the “baby, my mother asked me to stay with her for the entire week, and that is why I could not answer my phone,” should ring enormous bells in your head. Boy, have I heard them all!
You are now older, wiser, and more aware of your surroundings and should know who or who should not be a part of your circle. So, use that brain of yours that the Lord gave you, so that in a few years time, you will not be asking that oh so annoying question, “Lord, why do I keep choosing the wrong man?”. I am happy at least that the question puts the responsibility in your hands and not in the hands of a bow-legged man, with pearly white teeth, half decent credit and a big bulge in his pocket. Oh gosh, there I go again, spilling my fantasies for the entire world to see!
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley. com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: https://twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: email@example.com.