By Yvonne Sam
Social and Political Commentator
Men act as very influential fixtures in the lives of their children. It is a well-known and widely-accepted fact, that both boys and girls need a strong male to teach and show them how to navigate in our current world.
Listen up guys, regardless of whether or not you are still in an existing relationship with your child/children’s mother, for the sake of all that is good and expected, do not let any ill feelings, existing between the two of you, hinder you from having a meaningful relationship with your son or daughter.
Young ladies need a man to show them how they should be treated, and young men need a man to show them how to treat women, provide for a family and, above all, be a man. So, let us have a discussion about an entity that every boy will experience, at some point in his life — SEX.
You cannot circumvent this life-event-happening for your son. Regrettably, when it comes to learning about sex, too many times boys are left to their own devices, or to those of their friends, or to what they see on television. By no stretch of the human imagination is this the way things should be.
Sex is a serious issue, for which young people need guidance and advice in order to fully understand everything it entails. Being fully cognizant of the fact, that it is a topic/subject most parents do not like to, or avoid, talking to their children about, here are some suggestions on how fathers can have the sex conversation with their very interested, very vulnerable sons.
Ignoring and leaving the talk about sex to the next, means you fail, as a male. It can be quite easy to ignore the conversation altogether, but that is certainly not a good idea. Teenage boys are very impressionable, and strive to be regarded as men. Plainly put, it means that they will do stupid things, based on what they think they know. For survival sake, do not leave them to just flap in the wind, have that conversation, for your son’s sake.
If the idea of having a conversation with your son, on such a topic, makes you nervous, be assured that it is not an easy, but necessary, task. It is important that you keep a clear head, to avert turning the conversational effort into a disaster. If you need to, write things down and go from a list of points that you want to make. While this may appear silly, it will prove ultimately helpful.
On a cautionary note, during the talk do not speak to your son, like you would to boys who have experienced sex. Use language that communicates to your son the importance of being respectful. This is certainly not the time, or the occasion, to give him a rundown of your list of women, or to teach him how to be a skilful player. You are not required to be lovely dovey, but at the same time, do not teach him that sex is a sport. Young boys will take that and twist it into something with disastrous results.
Tell him everything. Do not omit the parts that are uncomfortable for you. Tell him what the penis looks like, right before the act, and how to pleasure the sexual partner. Teach them about sexually transmitted diseases and, without a doubt, reiterate the importance of protection.
Leave nothing to chance. Talk to your son so that he is well informed. The sex talk is a real part of life. The knowledge should be gained, and retained, before he looks for a wife.
Aleuta — the struggle continues.
Yvonne Sam, a retired Head Nurse and Secondary School Teacher, is Vice-president of the Guyana Cultural Association of Montreal. A regular columnist for over two decades with the Montreal Community Contact, her insightful and incursive articles on topics ranging from politics, human rights and immigration, to education and parenting have also appeared in the Huffington Post, Montreal Gazette, XPressbogg and Guyanese OnLine. She is also the recipient of the Governor General of Canada Caring Canadian Citizen Award.