Marilyn Monroe once wisely said, “Before marriage a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”
Many of us would disagree with that statement, but the fact still remains that during marriage many women will forget what it takes to keep their relationship on the right path.
Many women, not all of course, wear thongs, sexy lingerie, perfume and stilettos to get the man, but will, over time, completely forget to continue doing these things once they are married. These bad habits undeniably contribute to the infrequency of sex during marriage. Up to 48 percent of women, when polled, admitted to faking an orgasm!
Some women also view sex as a “duty,” and refuse to make love to their mates unless forced to. Should wives not be vamping it up in the bedroom, swinging on the chandeliers or stripper poles, and whipping out the whipped cream, in order to keep their husbands satisfied? He has after all “put a ring on it”, and in doing so, has declared to the world that you are his one and only.
Men, from all walks of life, complain daily about their “mistreatment” as they call it, at home. Donovan, a very dear friend of mine, often complains to me about his wife’s lack of affection towards him, sexually and otherwise. I am held captive in our weekly call, like a mouse caught in a trap, as he complains to me about the lack of, “love and respect” that he gets at home.
Poor thing! He is in dire need of a marriage counselor of some sort, as I am seriously contemplating whether or not to bill him for my services. I am kidding of course, but his stories tug at my heartstrings each time I listen to him whine and complain
“Sandy, yu know that the last time that we had sex was 3 months ago, and she will not approach me unless I insist on it?”, he says in his broken patois. I realize that he needs a shoulder to cry on and listen intently as he laments on the events of the week.
Surprised, and at a loss for words at his openness, I reply, “Donovan, I am sure that if you talk to her she will come around,” I said to him. “Will I ever learn?” I ask myself internally. I should know by now that once he begins his story, there goes my chance to catch this week’s episode of “Scandal”; and I am a Gladiator like none other!
However, I am his friend so I continue to listen and give some solid, helpful advice to him, “Have you ever tried couples counseling or a couples retreat?” I love gossip as much as the next woman, but picturing Donovan banging his wife was indeed a turnoff, as I know them both very well. His bald head, pale white skin and her slinky black legs and long weave was too much for my poor little brain to handle.
Many women however will defend Donovan’s wife’s actions and admit to doing the same. “Who have time fe mek love Sandy? I don’t even have time to even scratch my head!” a girlfriend of mine once declared. She has been married for over eight years and is constantly complaining about her lack of time for romance with her husband.
Can we then only blame our men for cheating? Do we not play a role in it sometimes? Men are visual creatures; give them something at home to look at constantly. Ladies, you should also remember that whatever you will not do for your man, another woman will.
Far be it from me to judge, but putting on a sexy lingerie, a little bit of make-up, or getting yourself into a gym to increase your self-esteem and rekindle the fire in your relationship is a small price to pay to save your marriage. As well, you have to try and communicate as much as you can with your husband and partner, as we are not mind readers.
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: email@example.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: firstname.lastname@example.org.