Are Light Skinned Women Born With Golden Spoons In Their Mouths?

By Sandy Daley

Actress Candice Bergen once said, “Though beauty gives you a weird sense of entitlement, it’s rather frightening and threatening to have others ascribe such importance to something you know you’re just renting for a while.” How refreshing, inspiring and poignant these words are! Years ago, someone once said to me, “Sandy, yu know that you are a pretty girl; for a dark skinned woman!”

Shocked, bewildered and hurt, I snapped my head to the side and replied, “And do you know that you are displaying nothing but ignorance at this moment in time, for saying such a horrible thing? In my eyes, I am average looking compared to some of the gorgeous dark-skinned women that I pass on the streets every single day,” I said. The comment was particularly hurtful as it was said by a brotha!

Although the statement obviously displayed the ignorance of this one individual’s knowledge of the beauty of the chocolate sista (let’s call him Donovan to save him the embarrassment), this is not an uncommon misperception. The light-skinned woman is often times seen as the real epitome of beauty, held to a high esteem and given privileges and favors that unfortunately often elude the dark-skinned sista.

The only thing that is gained from this behavior, where color plays a role in many situations, is to cause a rift between the light-skinned and the dark-skinned women. The problem of course is neither one of these women, but the system itself that encourages racism and classism; similar to the days of slavery, where the dark skinned slaves were in the fields and the light skinned slaves were the house Negroes.

“But this can’t change Sandy,” my friend recently said to me. “Yu trying to fight something that has been in place for a long time. There you go again; thinking that you can change the world.”

Recognizing that there might be something to this, however it still does not deter me from saying, “And if it does not begin with me, then how can I look myself in the mirror each day, accepting what others hand out to me on a platter?” Being a dark-skinned woman should not be a curse to me. Judge me on the quality of my work and the goodness of my heart.

In an attempt to tackle an issue such as classism, even in the situation of love and relationships, one needs to truly examine the root of the problem. Was it really because of slavery and the effects of such a turbulent time in our history, that we as a people are unaware of the self-inflected problems in our mental psyche? Is slavery to blame for the demise of the Black family and Black love?

As a child growing up in Jamaica, classism reared its ugly head very often. Thousands of poor Black children, including myself, were reminded each day that education was our only way out of poverty. “Sandy, mek sure seh yu pass your Common Entrance (which I did, ensuring myself a spot at the prestigious Wolmer’s High School for Girls), because you know seh mi have no money fe pay for you to go to High School,” my mother would say. “You are not like those other pretty dunce girls with a rich father to pay your way.”

“Yu mean to tell me that she could not have thought about that before she got with my dry head, 100% Black father?” I would ask myself in a joking manner. “Even a little Indian curly hair would have helped me in life,” I lamented. Thank God for Remy and Brazilian hair extensions, plus intelligence mixed with a lot of charisma of course! Now everyone can look as if their father or mother had a great head of hair and they of course have now inherited their golden locks.

However, I have come to realize that the adversities placed upon you as a child, helps to shape you as an adult. Would I have been content to go through life as a pretty dunce, with a golden spoon in my mouth? Maybe, but I believe that I would not be the little firecracker that I am today.

Although certainly none of these light skinned’s are to blame for society’s ignorance towards the issue of classism and racism, this issue should bother everyone as it helps no one in the long run. I mean really, who wants to go through life not really deserving of what you have? Certainly not me!

Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: womanincontrol@facebook.com, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: thesinglegirlspot@gmail.com.