Rita Rudner once said, “I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I’ll see a really great outfit, I’ll breakup with someone on purpose.” Now, that’s a funny spin on relationships and breakups!
Many people also believe that a woman’s love can help a man move mountains; if the relationship does succeed that is. However, unfortunately, relationships and marriages have a very high percentage rate of failing and up to half of all marriages end in divorce. Many a times the problem however is not the actual demise of the relationship, but the reaction to the breakup by one or both parties. Generally speaking, most women after a breakup will bawl their eyes out for a few weeks, call their girlfriends on the phone who will most certainly tell her, “Girl you were too good for him anyways; he never really deserved you.”
Whether or not they are correct in their statement, we can always depend on our girls to boost our spirits, take us out on a girls’ night out and support us to the end; while holding our hands as we wallow in sorrow .
This will last for weeks of course; but then the sun will shine once again and our beautiful smiles will reappear as we hit the gym to, of course, “Get our sexy back.” Forever thinking to ourselves, “Watch me and him when I see him again. I gwaan mek him mouth drop to the floor.” Dieting, the gym and our girlfriends are our tools for revenge. In a few months’ time that man will be forgotten, as she moves on to another, better you, with bigger biceps and fuller lips of course. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
When a man breaks up with a woman however, often times it is never that easy; whether he or not he is in the wrong. His reaction to his wife, girlfriend or lover, is often filled with rage, spitefulness and revenge; especially when it is clear that there will be no reconciliation. “Listen Sandy, you have to understand that a man never ever wants to see his woman with another man, whether he left her or not,” my male friends try to explain.
“In his mind, you are forever his, and imagining you making love to another man will eat him alive.” Could that be the answer to all of life’s questions? Are men ultimately dependent on the love of a woman to survive, so much that World War III might occur if he does not get his way?
More importantly, are women such powerful human beings that with the swirl of our hips and the touch of our hands, we are able to control men if we so desire? Is this power ultimately too destructive if misused, and sometimes unfortunately misunderstood? I am often left speechless, bewildered and shocked at the actions of a few ex-lovers when I have chosen to leave and never return. Similar to every other woman in this world, their reactions towards me have been mixed not only with contempt but also downright cruelty and spitefulness.
“Yu must have given him something real sweet Sandy, fe mek him a gwaan so,” my friends laugh while we discuss the situation. “Your loving must be real good girl,” they snickered.
“Some people just do not know how and when to let go,” I replied. However flattering this may be, the prospect of getting back with an ex has never crossed my mind.
“Take the time to really get to know someone,” I encourage my girlfriends these days, wishing that I had listened to my own advice many a times in the past.
A year, in my opinion, is enough time to really get to know someone; as human beings cannot hide from themselves for too long no matter how hard they try. Sometimes you might need a lifetime to really get to know someone and that might not even be enough time!
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: email@example.com.