Joyce Meyer, the charismatic Christian author who alleges that she was sexually assaulted by her father, once said, “God wants you to be delivered from what you have done and from what has been done to you: both are equally important to him.”
Such kind words to live by, as each day not only are many women sexually abused at a very disturbing rate, but they are also physically abused every single day at an alarming rate as well. A recent poll showed that half of all women in Canada have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence since the tender age of 16.
Although, of course, the blame rests with the abuser, you must also accept some of the responsibility if you decide to stay in a verbally, or physically abusive relationship if you have the opportunity to leave.
The minute that these things begin to happen, it’s a sign for you to leave immediately.
We often make excuses and find ways to explain the bruises, or the cut lips, in order to “save face”. In your attempt to “save face” among your friends and family members, you might literally be writing your own death sentence by staying in that relationship. Is that your desire?
“But Sandy, suppose he promises never to do it again and I know that he is sorry for what he did?” a young woman once asked me while I was at a book-signing event in Boston.
“The fact that he even thought to put his hands on you in the first place should indicate to you that he does not love you as he should,” I replied. “Are you willing to take that chance with your life?” I queried further.
I certainly hope that she took my advice and somehow was able to get out of that destructive situation, as I have thought about her very often over the last year or so.
You also need to ask yourself, would he ever want anyone to hit his mother or his sister? Of course not, as no woman deserves to be abused. There is no shame in being abused, as the shame is not in your eyes.
However, your actions dictate the outcome if you continue to accept such horrible and degrading conditions, especially if you have children in your household.
You should never desire for your kids to see this abuse, as this will impact them greatly during their formative years, and also during adult life.
Boys often act out in the same manner as their fathers. If they see this on a regular basis in their home while developing into adulthood, they are often left emotionally scarred for life.
Also, not only will a black eye or scarred shoulders or knees display itself on your body, but emotionally it will rob you of your self-esteem, your self-worth.
Abuse or even the threat of abuse is nothing to take lightly, as your life depends on the decisions that you will make if ever faced with such a situation.
So leave immediately if this is happening to you. You will begin to feel less than; and feeling less than is not a good feeling.
You will forever doubt yourself and your abilities as a productive human being, or as a woman of substance and worth. Your children will understand and love you no matter what; even while you shack up with your mom and dad for a few years while you figure things out.
The couch or a finished basement is much better than a hole in the ground. Wouldn’t you agree?
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: email@example.com.