By Sandy Daley
The very wise old Jamaican proverb states, “Ole Fire tick easy fi ketch!” If read or written in proper English it means: “Old romances are easily rekindled”. This might be so, but in my opinion, this statement is true for many because of laziness and or loneliness.
Why would you go back to a past love who perhaps not only hurt you, but with whom you might not be very compatible? Or someone that might have neglected you, or maybe even physically or verbally abused you? Has he or she changed? Have you changed? Can a leopard change its spots? I think not!
I believe that people show you who they are, and although they might desperately try to alter their character by any means necessary (therapy, meditation, an invisible mask), whatever the case may be, generally speaking, we can never alter ourselves too much. Time does not help or hinder.
No fault of ours of course. It is just that we are all wired differently, not only by our genes, but also by our experiences; and these things make us who we are today, who we are as we stand in front of the world and deal with our lovers, partners, family and associates.
Try as we might, there are things about ourselves that we just cannot change. Now, if you were with someone whose behaviour, attitude or mannerisms did not work in a cohesive manner with your character traits, (and once again, I am blaming no one for the break-up in the past), why would you decide to go back to that time in your life?
Surely you may forgive and forget, and that of course is the best way to live a healthy normal life, but forgetting does not mean, that you should then push all that happened in the past to the wayside.
How can you forget the past, the hurt, the pain, the tears, the anger that this person perhaps contributed to in your life? Now, once again, there is no blame, but a healthy realization of what happened in the past, and what should never occur again. Why take 10 steps forward to then take 20 steps backwards in the future?
I am all for forgiveness and letting things go, but I am also a realist when it pertains to protecting my space, my existence, my domain, and as the saying goes, “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”
I believe that it is our job to protect ourselves in as many ways as we possibly can, and we should all try to learn from our past mistakes – whether it be a speeding ticket which we know that we could have avoided, or that ex who was definitely no good for us in the long run.
Those sweet nothings that he or she might be whispering in your ear, on those cold lonely Canadian nights, might sound very enticing, sexy and inviting, but remember that when the dust settles, you will still be spooning with that man who might abuse you when he has had a bad day at work, or that same woman who does not show you love the way a woman should.
Nothing would have changed except that now he or she is a little bit older, and you are both a little bit more used to each other’s shenanigans!
Going back to the past is somewhat like trying on an old pair of shoes – it still fits, but the holes at the bottom and the rips in the side, beg you in a very muffled voice to, “please throw me away, as I do not go with your new Prada dress.”
Your ex is an ex for a reason! He or she is not as good as it gets. Trust me my friends, I know of which I speak!
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email:email@example.com.