Five Ways To Excite Your Sex Life

By Amirah
Pride Sex Columnist

Sex; Great sex; Mind blowing sex; the eventual topic of every ladies night, the front page selling point of most magazines, and the cause of many failed relationships. Although the definition of “great sex” is largely based on personal preferences, it is the continued experience for which we all yearn.

As a woman, lover, and a sexual being whose sexual energy has been through many evolutions, I came to the understanding that my sexual being is deeply tied to my self-love. Once I came into that knowledge, I was able to define what having “great sex” meant to me. My personal definition is: An intense merging of two bodies, souls, and hearts that quenches the compounded lust for my mate. Our love is sacred, the space we create for each other is sacred and our individual wholeness finds completion when made one in each other.  Sexual intercourse, to me, is viewed as a perk; it is not the entire experience.

So, how do we achieve the entire experience?  Where sex was a hunger, it has now become a duty. Once a week has become the accepted norm, and once a month is mildly alarming. Sex has become boring, routinely yawn worthy, and nothing to ever write home about.  I have delved into my personal experiences to share with you five ways to put the excitement back into your sex life. If you can currently tick off these points, good for you! If not, let’s get to work.

1. Wake Him Up with Breakfast in Bed

Leave the eggs, ackee, salt-fish, and provisions in the fridge, and literally wake him up by sitting on his face. Just as he likes to wake you up with his penis sliding into your vagina, return the expression of love with your clit on his lips. A healthy dose of vagina juice will do his body good.

2. Leave the Bed Alone

Be spontaneous. Fill your house with the energy of your lovemaking. Roll off the bed and make good use of the floor, take a shower together and engage in shower sex—make sure you have something to hold on to though; you do not want to have to explain to your co-workers why you are limping.  I, myself have fond memories of midnight quickies in the kitchen, while getting a snack. Can’t make it to the bedroom in time? Have sex on the stairs, or in the hallway. Have a porch or a balcony? Pull out a chair, get a blanket, and watch the beauty of the setting sun while riding him reverse cowgirl style. And if you haven’t done so already, christen your car—and by christen I mean have back seat car sex. It’s glorious, I hope you try it.

3. Make Intimacy An All Day Experience

Men and women are very alike, in that intimacy begins long before the clothes come off. As much as we want attention, praise, and feelings of physical and sexual desirability from our mate, they desire the same from us as well. Step your honest communication game up and share of yourself continually. Talk throughout the day, even if it is just to say “hi”. Send sexually obscene texts or emails, and make your lover blush.  Engage in non-sexual acts of intimacy, like hugs, kisses, and massages, cook together, laugh together, learn your mates love language(s) and become fluent in it as your expression of love to each other.

4. Leave Your Panties at Home

I have a confession to make….I love going panty-less; not only is it a good way to allow your body to breathe, it’s also a good way to excite your lover, heighten good sexual tension, and if the mood is right, engage in public foreplay, and sex if your freak allows it. Can you imagine leaning across the table at dinner, and whispering to your lover that you are not wearing any underwear? He may just “drop” his napkin under the table and give your clit a quick lick.

I’ll tell you a story. A past lover and I went out for a beautiful night on the town, I was in a flirty skirt, high heels, and a vibrant top, and yes I was panty-less. Long story short, upon learning I was very much naked under my outfit, he pulled me into a corner, (my back against his torso), slid his hand up my skirt and fingered me. It was glorious. It was our delicious secret, and one of my favorite memories of us.

5. Stimulate the Mental

As I stated earlier, sexual attraction begins long before the clothes come off. A relationship can be founded on sexual energy, but it will not last on sexual energy alone. When the orgasms have been had, what next? If you can’t have an intelligent conversation with your lover, how long can you both really talk about the weather? There needs to be a healthy balance of physical/sexual stimulation and mental stimulation. Fall into bed with someone that shares mutual interests, who can make love to your body and your mind. Yes Lawd!

Above all, “great sex” is fun sex—it’s an experience that leaves you breathless, it causes you to smile so hard, that people know you are getting some and getting it good. Whatever is your definition of great sex, do it in the positive energy for which it was intended. My “great sex” includes a lengthy make out session…both sets of lips, hair pulling, dirty talking and sappy post coital romantic comedy type conversations. My “great sex” also includes being one with my sexual energy apart from my lover. When I am able to be in tune with myself, I am able to be in tune with him.

I just want to lie happy, loved and desired in the arms of the one I love. Great sex, good sex, okay sex, whichever one rocks your world, happiness with the one we love is what it is all about.

Have questions or problems regarding your sex life? Amirah can help you with answers. Your name and information will not be published. Amirah welcomes your feedback! Send your comments or questions to: amirah@pridenews.ca. Follow her on Twitter: @I_amAmirah.