Beating The “Devil” Out Of Our Children Can Lead To Mental Illness

By Dr. Peter Sealy
PRIDE Gust Columnist

There are some people in the Black community, who still subscribe to the belief that when a child misbehaves, it is because they are possessed by the “devil”.

Therefore, these people believe, that the only way to free the child of this evil possession, is to beat the “devil” out of them. But is it beating the “devil” out of them or the violence of corporal punishment that can lead to more violence and mental illness?

Any discussion about corporal punishment by Black parents normally brings about attempts to justify the practice and anger. Some people get defensive and uncomfortable and will tell you not to tell them how to raise their child.

But beating a child leads to the child doing more negative things which leads to more beating. It doesn’t appear that beating acts as a deterrent to undesired behaviour.

How then do you explain a child being beaten from a few months old up to age seventeen and further? If you hit your child it teaches them to hit others too.

People from all cultures and socio-economic backgrounds beat their children. But hitting a child or anyone for that matter is violence and it is wrong.

Recently, someone told me about a man in the Caribbean, who has a stick in his home that he proudly refers to as his “beating stick”.

This man would brag that the “beating stick” is used to beat his wife. Some people also have special beating sticks and objects to use on their children. Donald said that his mother would send him for a special belt to beat him with.

He repeated the same behaviour with his children.

Janet said, when her mother was still beating her at age 15 she was filled with rage. She used the rage against her younger brother to beat him.

Janet would say to herself that the next person who hits her would really get a beating. She got suspended from school due to fights and when she got home her mother would beat her.

My mother would beat me as if she bought me as property, Janet remarked. Janet beat her children because those were the values passed on to her. People tell her that she turned out good despite the beatings because she has a good job and advanced degrees.

However, she doesn’t tell them that she battles with anxiety, depression and aggression due to the beatings.

Using violence against Janet made her carry out the same violence against her younger brother and at school. I am not a Theologist or Christologist but violence begets violence. Or put another way in the New Testament in Matthew 26:52, NIV: “Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword”.

Some people say that beating has not harmed them. Yet they are unable to trace how their past actions and current behaviour is linked to beatings.

Beating is a stressful event in a child’s life.  As a stressor, beating over a period of time can cause physical and emotional damage. Too much stress has been linked to higher resting heart rates and blood pressure.

When Nigel showed us the size of the big stick that was used by his mother to beat him, several people started laughing. I asked a Black woman who is childless why she laughed.  She replied that some children are bad and deserves a “good beating”. Three years later at age 40, Nigel a man quick to anger, violence and aggression and dealing with Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder (PTSD), suffered from a stroke.

Gerald at age 55 is still angry today, as he spoke about the beatings he received in the Caribbean from the headmaster. He said that he took up self-defense training immediately after the second beating and three years later went to the headmaster’s house.

Gerald shouted for the headmaster to come out to exact on him the same beating he had given him. The headmaster pulled the window blinds and looked at Gerald but did not come out.

Gerald noted that other boys who troubled him weren’t as lucky as the headmaster. The headmaster and some teachers should be locked up, for the cruel manner in which they would beat school children said Gerald.

Joseph remembers his father beating him in front of his stepmother for wetting his bed and telling him he has the “devil” in him. Joseph said that his stepmother didn’t like him and enjoyed watching him getting lashes. My father would use me as his “whipping boy” to win her approval.

Imagine being afraid to sleep at night, for fear you will wet your bed and get beat by your father. Joseph father would use enough physical force to cause him some level of pain and discomfort which is consistent with corporal punishment.

Today, Joseph suffers from anxiety, depression, PTSD and high blood pressure and can never forget the beatings. The behaviour by Joseph’s father that caused him physical and emotional pain is consistent with violence.

Anthony, a Black single father, said that he made the decision not to beat his two children. His teenage son and daughter are maintaining an A average at high school and they do volunteer work in the community. Family and friends tell him that he is spoiling his children. My parents did not beat me and I am not going to beat my children said Anthony.

Corinne was unhappy about how her sister would beat her daughter. She explained to her sister about the damage she would cause her later in life. Corinne said her sister would tell her to mind her own business and don’t tell her how to raise her child.

Corinne’s sister would also belittle her and tell her to wait until she has her own children and then she would understand. The girl child would be balling (screaming) during and after the beating with a spoon, shoe, belt or continuous slaps to the body.

But my sister would continue to beat her saying that she had the “devil” in her said Corinne. After witnessing the beatings, Corinne said that she could not look at her sister the same way again. I wondered what could a child do so wrong to deserve such violent beatings. I could never do that to a child stated Corinne.

My sister was harming her daughter and did not understand the impact. It was very scary for me to see how my sister would beat and threaten her daughter said Corinne. I just could not agree with this type of violence, it disturbed me immensely Corinne remarked.

Corinne said, “I lost a lot of respect for my sister and I don’t have a lot of respect for certain members of my family that condone this behaviour. They don’t realize the damage and talking to them is like flogging a dead horse”. Corinne’s sister daughter today at age 27 suffers from depression and anxiety and is married to a man who physically abuses her. She was also charged at age 21 for physically assaulting another woman.

The type of corporal punishment described, have the likelihood of teaching the children being beaten, that the only way for them to be heard is to beat someone up or threaten them. Black boys and Black girls need not be taught that you have to fear someone to respect them. When a child grows up in a home, where he or she is constantly whipped, they develop feelings of sadness, anxiety, fear, loneliness and confusion. They live in a twisted world that tells them that family guardians are there to protect and love them. But the constant beatings make the idea of love and protection seems more like a cruel illusion. Some people may want to think about withholding privileges and using incentives and communication as a way to correct undesired behaviour. Teaching a child how to understand negative actions and showing them how to rectify it, is active parenting as opposed to beating which is underactive parenting.

Most Black parents detest when a child engage in what they refer to as “back chat”. But is it always “back chat” or is it sometimes the child trying to express and explain their point of view. A way that helps them to establish their independence, become assertive, survive and gain the confidence needed to express themselves in a world of anti-Black racism, possessive, controlling and manipulative men and women, sociopaths, narcissists and pathological liars. Certainly children will at times test your patience. But if you let frustration set in, things can turn bad for that child very quickly. Never hit a child when you are angry or project the frustration of life stresses on your child. Sometimes you just have to “turn your minds” off from thinking that a child deserves a beating every time they do something wrong. We put a lot of effort into Black children respecting “power figures” and not on Black children becoming “power figures”.

Black boys and girls need to be offered alternatives and re-education that violence is wrong so that they do not perpetuate it. Some of them have accepted too much of it in their growing life. Violence will not allow Black boys and Black girls to see themselves in a healthy way or reach their full potential. Due to beatings, Black boys and girls are learning that violence is a form of power. However, violence is not a healthy form of power. Violence stunts Black boys and Black girl’s growth and they don’t become discerning of what’s good for them. They do not learn how to resolve things because they are beaten up every time they do something wrong. This then becomes a pattern of learning. How are Black girls and Black boys expected to unlearn these patterns? Violence becomes unable to distinguish. Black boys and Black girls grow up not being able to care for themselves and they cannot discern the whole power dynamics. We have to create new patterns for ourselves and relearn a whole new way of relating to the world. There have to be an alternative way to teach Black boys and girls good things and how to respect themselves without beatings.

Give Black boys and Black girls chores in the home and give them praise when they complete it. Don’t just give them praise when they perform well at domestic duties, basketball or other sport. Let’s encourage Black boys and Black girls and affirm them in their school work, teaching them to persevere when they get stuck and to never give up. Affirm them in other ways as well. Affirm Black boys and Black girls for the wonderful gifts that they give. Affirm them for their intelligence and when they are showing care and gentleness. Honour their wholeness of spirit and never lose sight of that, so that Black girls and Black boys growing up today and future generations to come can be more balanced, strong and assertive. Black girls and Black boys are precious like all children. If we can start today to reconstruct the whole beating and or violence piece, that is a huge part of change and progress for us. Discipline should never be synonymous with violence. Let’s restore the calm and move to a balance place as Black people.

The power of the devil (the original liar) is rooted in the lie. His specialty is distorting the truth to hurt people. The devil works by attacking the mind and will put the thought in your mind that your child deserves to be hit. But the truth is that no child deserves to be hit. Jesus spoke of the devil in the following way: “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44, NIV).

Beating the “devil” out of the Black child is a lie by the Devil, Lucifer, Satan, the Tempter or whatever you want to call him. There isn’t any devil in the Black child to beat out.  If I could speak to the parents trying to beat a “devil” out of the Black child, I would tell them that it is Jesus who is in the Black child. When Jesus saw that the disciples had reproved those who brought the children to him he said: “let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these” (Mark 10:14; NIV).

I am not interested in winning any popularity contest here. All I am concerned about is that Black parents stop beating the Black child and consider other forms of discipline.  The Black child may live in your home but they are also part of the broader Black family. Yes we know it is you who work very hard to put a roof over their head. But having the head covered and the mind exposed to the pathology of mental illness because of beatings defeats the purpose of the roof.  Violence is violence; it doesn’t matter if you hit a woman, man or child.  We have to break this culture of beating Black children and perpetuating violence and mental illness.  Did you beat a Black child today? I really hope that you don’t do it tomorrow.