By Sandy Daley
Comedian and Oscar winning actress Mo’Nique shocked the world recently, when she not only admitted that she was indeed in an open relationship with her husband, Sidney Hicks, but that the idea was also initially hers.
“Say what now?!!” we all gasped. Boy, how the times have changed!
We all assumed years ago when rumours began to swirl that it was her husband’s idea, as we all believed that he perhaps wanted, needed and yearned for his wild oats to be sown; even though he was a married man.
Yet, Mo’Nique threw us all for a loop when she admitted that it was indeed her wild oats that needed to be sown: especially now that she was a celebrity and they have been married now for a number of years.
“Then why get married?”, many asked. “Did your marriage vows mean nothing to you?”, many queried on social media and on talk shows such as The View, The Talk and The Social. The women had a field day as they threw some major shade her way when the news broke.
Far be it from me to judge (wink, wink), but I am inclined to agree with the ladies somewhat. In my opinion, no one forced Mo’Nique to get married to the handsome Mr. Hicks (at least, not that I know of) and, in some way, she seems to be making a mockery of the institution of marriage.
If you do not wish to adhere to the vows that you have to recite on the day that you get hitched, such as to ‘love to honour and cherish till death do you part’, yada, yada, yada, then why bother? one would ask.
On the other hand, in order to play devil’s advocate, one might say, ‘wow, women have come a long way and we are allowed to make our own choices; whether you agree with them or not.’ Kudos to Mo’Nique for recognizing that she indeed wanted and perhaps needed to get her ’freak on’ with others: besides her husband.
Heck, she might be on to something, as it is estimated that approximately 30% to 60% of all married individuals will engage in some form of infidelity during their marriage. The stats also suggest that this is actually a very conservative number as half of all marriages these days end in divorce. Ouch! It seems almost futile, that thing called love!
The fact of the matter is that you cannot predict the outcome of any relationship, whether or not they have suffered from infidelity, so therefore one must be optimistic; even with these very depressing statistics staring us in the face.
“Sandy, yu know seh mi believe in what MoNique is saying, and I believe that I might give mi husband a hall pass too,” my girlfriend Diane said to me the other day as we discussed this very touchy subject. “I mean, mi tired fi see him a look pon every woman with a big behind that pass us on the street. Is like him can’t help himself and so therefore he has to look at it.”
Now of course, I live by the girl code, which states that one should never agree with a girlfriend if and when she is cursing her man, as when they are making sweet love at night during their wonderful make-up sex, my name will be mentioned (by her of course), as the trouble-maker without a man; who desperately wants to see the demise of their relationship!
So, I keep my cool and answer her in the most reassuring voice that I can muster (knowing of course that Donovan should be kept on a very tight leach). “ Diane, I am quite sure that Donovan is a trustworthy man and you have nothing to worry about.” She nodded her head in agreement and continued the conversation on a much lighter note. Whew…I had dodged that bullet, as discussing all that I knew about Donovan and his wandering eye was not my cup of tea!
The fact remains that many women are aware of the situations that they are in with their men, and they themselves are honest enough to admit their faults, strengths and short-comings; and are willing to live their own truth.
So what if Mo’Nique wants to have 5, 10 or 50 different lovers: as well as her husband?. That is her life to live as she sees fit. Those are her decisions, her choices, and as long as she is okay with it and is open and honest with others that she might bring into their freak domain: who are we to judge?
Are you living your own truth? Are you living your own life? Can you honestly say that you are doing what you want to do, and have accepted who you truly are as a person? Can I?
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley. com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: https://twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email: email@example.com.