The Other Face Of Domestic Violence: Women Abusing Men

By Yvonne Sam
PRIDE Columnist

After prolonged and deliberate, though somewhat protracted consideration I have been forced to relegate myself to the role of inquirer. With no preconceived notion(s), gender misidentification, malice or rancor aforethought, let me voice my unwavering concern.

October was the official Domestic Violence Awareness Month and, rightfully speaking, the precursory signs, evils as well as the victims of domestic abuse were all recognized and highlighted. It was a period of reflection as we were once again sadly reminded of an all too familiar manner in which spouses, cohorts and consorts settle their romantic differences in present day Guyana.

Strikingly absent from the picture or the intended message were the battered men. If, in essence and reality, the intended objective of Domestic Violence Awareness Month is to bring public attention to the cause at hand, then it should not be reduced to a single gender.

So often, if not in every case, women are highlighted as the victims, which clearly give one sex the edge over the other. Such action could be interpreted as being indicative of gender bias.

Needless to say, as we continue to wrangle, tangle, inspect and dissect the blatant evils of this social phenomenon, we must intersect and confront the stark realization that the topic is not only about women and children. Battered men have been omitted and their voices muffled even in the media.

There are far too many battered men who fail to speak up and out, because the stigma of being a man and a victim is a sharp contradiction of the public’s notion of masculinity, the fear of not being believed, fear of having to explain themselves to friends and family, and lack of support from loved ones, all work towards forcing the issue farther and farther away from public consciousness.

Do not, for a nano of a second, labour under the misapprehension that I am diminishing the predicament of women who have suffered domestic violence.  No way, shape or form!

However, during the month of Domestic Violence Awareness and always thereafter, we must realize that both men and women are human beings, and that the safety of one individual in the home should never be esteemed over that of another.

We have long dwelt in a society where men are viewed as the epitome of strength and masculinity, and are considered to be less than a man if they take a beating from a woman.

I once witnessed an incident where, in the heat of an argument, the woman involved threw a few punches in the face of the male with whom she was arguing. It was apparent that she did not see him as a victim because he was a man.

She was also seemingly and succinctly bolstered by the fact that if he dared to defend himself in like or whatever manner seemed fit at the moment, the police would arrest him, regardless of the fact that she fired the first salvo.

The common and accepted rule of thinking is that the law is on the woman’s side no matter what, and lying in wait is a myriad of women who have been battered that will provide expeditious emotional succor.

Not to be overlooked is the fact that there are many women who are capable of delivering a punch or a jab comparable to Sonny Liston in his heyday, while contrastingly, there are some men who are not as elusive as Cassius Clay in dodging the impact.

The story is told of a Guyanese man going to an outpost to report physical and verbal abuse at the hands of his female partner. At the desk, while recounting the incident, he started to show the clinical evidence of the abuse he had suffered, when the reporting police officer looked over his shoulder and beckoned to his comrade saying, in a jocular manner, ”Come listen to this.”

It is imperative that a clear message be sent that domestic violence is genderless and not a female (women) specific issue and that the celebration of Domestic Awareness Month, is not just about conceding the issue, but also about advancing the probability to conquer it. No longer must domestic violence against men disappear under the radar.

Let us now come forward with renewed sensitivity, viewing the other face of domestic violence and abuse through clearer and understanding lens. The assumption that domestic violence is abuse enacted primarily by men, against women, has even guided policies.

Even if the numbers prove that women fall victim more often, it does not negate the fact that the victimization of men is just as damaging.

I am calling on the diaspora at large to convoke our humanity for all — not just the women. The efforts to end domestic violence must be endless for the issue is genderless.

Remember the young ones are watching on and the least we can expect is that they learn to respect.  We must also teach our youth the truth that must never pale regarding how to appropriately deal with any female. No excuse for domestic abuse.

Yvonne Sam, a retired Head Nurse and Secondary School Teacher, is Vice-president of the Guyana Cultural Association of Montreal. A regular columnist for over two decades with the Montreal Community Contact, her insightful and incursive articles on topics ranging from politics, human rights and immigration, to education and parenting have also appeared in the Huffington Post, Montreal Gazette, XPressbogg and Guyanese OnLine. She is also the recipient of the Governor General of Canada Caring Canadian Citizen Award.