By Sandy Daley
Jay Leno once jokingly said, “As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment.” Funny words indeed, but such is the life of a single girl; when dreams and goals become nothing but distant thoughts and are reduced to nothing but jokes!
Such was the story of my good friend Brenda. Brenda could not remember the last time that she had a date, or even talked on the phone at length with a man. She could not remember the last time she held hands with a broad-shouldered man or kissed anyone under the sunset. Her love life was sparse, none existent, and oh so lonely.
She was not bad to look at though; her nicely rounded rear, sculpted perfectly from years spent in the gym daily, was always greatly admired. Her daily routine, come hell or high water, rain or shine, was the most fixed and concrete thing in her life. At twenty-eight and unmarried with no prospects in sight, her consolation prize of a perfect body seemed almost within her grasp as she sweated profusely in her cycling class daily.
The only person that made her smile these days was her friend Tony. He was kind, friendly, sexy, and a really nice guy. It was obvious that he was just a player; who was also married. He had started sending Brenda flowers, giving her car rides, and even offered to help her out with a few of her bills. Now, she knew this was wrong—but really and truly, what was so wrong about being “friendly” with him? Tony was a nice guy to her and she needed a friend; someone to talk to.
Her friends could not understand her logic, as they often interrogated her about her choice to spend every living moment in the gym, and not out dating or looking for a man, other than Tony. “Girl, what is wrong with you?” they would ask. “Don’t you see that you are getting older and there is not even a boyfriend in sight? Is that how you want to live Brenda? What are you running away from?” To these questions, Brenda had no answer, as she would often wonder the same things herself.
What was her problem? What was she really scared of? Love! Was spinning and weights more manageable than a man with real feelings and a flesh? To these questions she had no concrete answer. Tony was a good choice for now, as even though she really did like him a lot, he was not interrupting her life.
She hoped that someday she would summon up the courage to leave her escapism behind her, and really plunge into an adult relationship, where anything was possible – even everlasting love! For now, however, she was content on being the first to finish her ride on the bike, and the first to wipe her sweat from her forehead.
The cycling instructor always commented that she was “wonderful and magnetic to watch on the bike.” She smiled and said to herself, “Geez, the instructor was not so bad looking.” Maybe just maybe there would be a love connection at the gym after all. But really, why bother screw up a good thing? For now, Tony was her escape, even though the relationship was going nowhere.
Unfortunately, there are many other women, similar to Brenda who have given up hope in finding a good man; and then settle on any man. The unfortunate thing is that they have lost hope, thrown in the towel, and are waving a big white flag with the words, ‘I surrender’. It goes without saying that these women, at some point have to realize that their Mr. Right might just be right around the corner, and settling with any man just for companionship is not the right thing to do.
At the end of the day, all the Brenda’s of this world will only end up being lonelier, and more dissatisfied with their love lives, if they continue on the path that they are on. Your ‘passing the time’ with any Tom, Dick or Harry who might be a married man or a definite player, does nothing for your ego; and only serves to push you further into more despair. Instead of wasting time with men who have no good intentions for you, or who will definitely not be a part of your future, use that time wisely by working on productive actions to further benefit yourself.
In the long run, I am sure that your Mr. Right will certainly appreciate the fact that you can now speak several languages, are now a certified gym instructor, as you used your time wisely and chose to enhance yourself over the years, versus wasting your time with men who meant you no good. I believe that we can always tell if someone is going to be either good or bad for us (only if we are willing to follow our gut intuitions). Learn to listen and follow your intuitions; usually they are spot on and will never lead you astray.
Harsh words I know, but someone has to say it! Namaste!
Sandy Daley is a columnist, radio and television personality and actress. She is also the author of “Whose Vagina Is It, Really?” She can be contacted at: Website: www.sandydaley.com, Facebook: firstname.lastname@example.org, Twitter: twitter.com/whosevaginaisit and/or Email:email@example.com.