Forgetting These Women Destroys The Black Community

By L. Ardor
Pride Columnist

I cannot say that The Cosby Show significantly contributed to my childhood; I will not even use the creative license to exaggerate. Yes, I watched it as a child, laughed and danced along with the family dynamic we all experienced through the power of television weekly, and with syndication, yet it was never with a religious like fervour. I never wanted Dr. Huxtable to be my father. I admired his parenting style, crazy sweaters, and odd dance moves, I did not idolize his role as a positive model of a Black man for which we are still thirsty.

I adored Claire Huxtable; I admired the prettiness of her character, and the beauty in her elegance. Though she reminds me of my own mother, I cannot recall ever wanting to be her. She was not my inspiration, nor my aspiration; she was someone I watched on the television, and turned off when the credits rolled.

I attribute my take it or leave it attitude to why I can appreciate the legacy Bill Cosby created with The Cosby Show, while still being very present to the truth that may or may not be. In the midst of the sexual assault and rape allegations against The Cosby Show Patriarch spanning over a decade, his legacy as a ground breaker between people of colour, and the media although steadily deteriorating, will always be remembered.

That is the trap we seem to fall into time and time again, and we are continually being reminded of this great truth; good people can do bad things. Bad people are capable of doing good things.

Navigating through social media when a public figure is accused of sexual assault or rape often requires bulletproof body armour, prayer for strength, and a shot of strong emotion numbing spirits. Rape apologist and misogyny enthusiasts find their way out from behind the niceties of likes and retweets, to remind us that monsters are real. They do not look like the boogeyman, many do not look like the persistent, space-violating men that follow us down the street practicing their most offensive pickup lines, instead they look like our brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers. They are our friends, they are our business associates, and they all look like society finding nice, beat-around-the-bush ways to say, “It’s your fault.”

When Showbiz411 broke the exclusive that Phylicia Rashad was standing by her TV husband, headlines flew around the internet quoting her as declaring “Forget these women” regarding the more than 20 people that have come forward stating they have been drugged and/or assaulted by Cosby. Rashad has since stated to ABC News that she was misquoted, never implying to “Forget these women”, rather stating, “This is not about the women. This is about something else. This is about the obliteration of legacy.”

Her misquote accomplished what the universe needed it to accomplish. The reactions to her albeit misquoted support was a stark reminder that women are not safe. Though Ms. Rashad herself may not subscribe to the destruction of women, good ol’ trusty social media saw a swell of support from people that are.

In our own communities, away from the cameras, what does the destruction of women look like? It looks like rape survivors being questioned why they took so long to come forward and report the rape. It is dismissing a woman’s assault or rape with the explanation that this is what women do to get ahead in life—we throw ourselves at men. We ask for it. It is our fault. It is the ignorant thought and action that says if you show support, or even want to remain neutral as an onlooker, it must be accompanied by putting down, demeaning, and/or questioning the character and motives of the women. Lest we forget, it is possible to remain neutral to the issue and not blame, nor shame the women.

The destruction of women can be sifted out of intellectual conversations into two words: Victim blaming, and it can be found in such sentences as “…These victims just chose to not speak up. They have to live with the fact that they are also responsible for every rape that happened after theirs.” This is rape culture and misogyny holding hands, walking down the street, taking up room on the sidewalk, and forcing women to make their way along the gutter.

Victim blaming is a vile action. I am not judge, jury, or executioner, and I am not speaking to the guilt or innocence of Bill Cosby. His legacy is real, he showed us a mirror to the reality of ourselves we are often told we cannot achieve. Yet choosing to take the word and/or side of an accused rapist simply because of what he meant to us as a community is an act of destroying women.

I have written this article before, the same sadness pouring over black words on a white page, different names to fill into the blank spaces each time. Constant reminders that we as women are continually being denied access to the safety of our spaces, living amongst people that would rather clamour to the aid and support of fame, than the protection of those that bring life both physically and spiritually.

What can we do to protect women in our local communities? We can crush the head of the serpent that is our patriarchal society by not questioning the experiences of women, or imposing sarcastic timelines when we “finally decide” to speak up against or confront our abusers. We can confront this sexist society that demands an alleged rapist be respected for his contributions to society, while wagging the finger at the women who chose to speak up, and declaring their intentions unrighteous, and loaded with expectations of monetary gain.

As the Black community struggles to find our footing, it is imperative that we protect all women from respectability politics that negate our right to the safety of our spaces by holding a metre stick to the way we dress, walk, love, wear our hair, spell our names, and how we make our money. Instead of feeding into a culture that thrives on women unnecessarily competing with each other, let us focus our energies on protecting the women in our life, present in every capacity and level, from an environment that finds comfort in deeming such damaging statements such as “Forget these women” to be merely unremarkable.

When women are destroyed the essence of the tribe cannot thrive. I want nothing more than to stop writing about the destruction, and the perceived power found in the oppression of women, yet daily I realize that is not yet a luxury.

L. Ardor is a writer who believes that everything in life stems from love. Her mission is to spread her philosophy to all brave enough to embrace. You can find Ms. Ardor on twitter: @LaLaArdor.